Category Archives: Illinois

Preview: Nebraska vs. Illinois

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NEBRASKA FOOTBALL IS BACK! CONFERENCE PLAY IS STARTING! WOOOO IT’S TIME FOR BIG RED FOOTBALL!!

One weekend without the Huskers was fucking dreadful. I didn’t know what to do with myself. My apartment has never been so clean! I exercised. I EXERCISED! I was so upset, I didn’t even stress eat. Do you know how stressful it is to not stress eat when delicious straight-from-Mexico Mexican food is three blocks from your apartment?

But then Lady Blackshirt surprised me with tickets to the Gin Blossoms for a belated birthday gift and all was right with the world (see, it’s OK to live in the 90s a bit, Husker fans). It was even better when I found out the next morning that Lane Kiffin got fired so hard that he wasn’t even allowed to sully his campus one more time.

Hang on…

LOLOLOLOLOLOL HAHAHAHAHAHA JAJAJAJAJAJAJA OI!OI!OI!OI!OI!OI!OI!OI!

Back to our regular scheduled programming:

Our boys have had a weekend off to rejuvenate, practice, spend some time at the spa… things that should translate into a win on Saturday against Illinois. The Illinois Fighting Illini. The. Fighting. Illini. Here I thought SDSU’s choice of Jackrabbits was absurd.

The university chose  “Illini” because of something with the student newspaper sometime around the Civil War era. It’s not really clear, but football teams should not be named after student newspapers. Student newspapers have notoriously stupid names.

Then, because the name really meant nothing, (people from Illinois are called Illinoisans), they added “Fighting” to the name during WWI, decades later. The idea was noble: It represents those from Illinois who fought and died during WWI. “Other wars be damned! World War I is the only one that matters!”

YOU CAN’T RETROACTIVELY CHANGE YOUR SHITTY MEANS-NOTHING NAME SOME 20 YEARS LATER AND HOPE NO ONE WILL NOTICE THAT IT STILL MEANT NOTHING AND YOU MADE UP A WORD TO REPRESENT YOURSELVES.

You don’t even have a mascot anymore because the one you came up with was offensive, ill-advised, and irrelevant. Some two or three decades later you decided you needed a mascot and in a not-so-shocking display of ineptitude, you fucked it up.

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Look at this smug fucking fool. Why the fuck are there Costa Rican flags on your face? ILLINOIS, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE.

You used actual Sioux clothing to shroud a student who portrayed a made up person – Chief Illiniwek – in an attempt to honor the Native American culture of your state. Actual tribe members got so mad that you had to give the traditional clothing back because you disgraced it. Now you can’t even use your Halloween costumes because your own school deemed your incongruous mascot too much of a shit stain on the face of your school.

Besides all that, YOU FORGOT YOUR REVISED MADE-UP-WORD-NAME REPRESENTS THE AMERICAN SOLDIERS OF YOUR STATE NOT AMERICAN INDIANS. Nice try, imbeciles. You are bad at names and you are bad at mascots.

We are all hoping that you’ll be bad at sports on Saturday, too. Namely football.

You see, Lincoln is susceptible to high winds on Saturday. You know what that means? Your passing game becomes less of a factor. Your run game isn’t that good. It’s middle of the road, but barely. Without a passing game, you’ll have to rely on the run. Because Nebraska’s defense has vastly improved these past two weeks (*crosses fingers*), you’re in trouble. Especially if we know it’s coming.

If you’re banking on the wind dying down, we have provisions to still ruin your day.

The best part? Take away Nebraska’s passing game and you get one of the best rushing squads in the nation. We are averaging 110 more rushing yards per game than you Illini honkies. We have Abdullah, Cross, Newby…a trio of backs that want nothing to do with your defensive schemes.

Don’t forget you’ll get a first-hand look the future of Nebraska: Tommy “The Touchdown Train” Armstrong!

Taylor Martinez is nursing his turfy toe for another week. The general consensus is that no one wants him on the field if he isn’t 100%, and that makes sense. We will likely need his run threat and cannon arm later down the stretch. Get him back to health, then back on the field. No need to… rush him.

Additionally, Armstrong can run. He’s no slouch. He’s no Tom Brady! He is mobile. Armstrong. Legstrong. Same thing!

This weekend will be a fun little window into what the future of Nebraska holds. A young quarterback with high expectations and a skill set to meet those expectations? Sign me up! And I won’t complain one bit if RK3 comes in and kicks some ass, too. Sometimes you have to share the wealth. As long as we don’t burn Johnny Stanton The Fourth’s redshirt, I won’t be upset. (He’s gotta be some sort of royalty with a name like that, right?). Besides, he is WAY too handsome to be used when he can’t be the face of our beloved program.

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Follow me on twitter at @blackshirtfresh.