Saturday, November 2, 2013, will go down in Nebraska folklore as the day that an offensive lineman threw a 49-yard Hail Mary to a young Ron Jeremy to beat Northwestern as time expired.
(And quietly, our main man Ameer Abdullah took the lead for rushing yards in the Big Ten, something I predicted last week. He’s now the 5th leading rusher in the nation. Edit: 6th after Tuesday night’s game, behind by only 15 yards.)
It saved a few jobs…for now. It rejuvenated a fan base…for now. It made a lot of people happy…for now.
But there were a lot of things that had to wrong before Kellogg-to-Westerkamp reared its beautiful, mustachey head.
Before the game:
1. An ugly loss to UCLA.
2. A Bo Pelini leaked audio of him cursing the fans.
3. An injured starting QB who was supposed to kick ass, but can’t do that because he may break a toe.
4. A confusing and seemingly illogical two QB system that doesn’t make much sense to anyone, even Bo.
5. An uglier loss to Minnesota that marred the return of star QB.
A pot-smoking, coke-snorting (only once?) former defensive coordinator that is related to our head coach. Oh wait… HAHAHA
7. Questions about the Blackshirts and their ability.
8. The once-named Blackshirts had their Blackshirts taken away.
9. All of the above leading to a disgruntled Husker fan base, on the edge of their seats, and wildly pessimistic.
1. Jamal Turner out.
2. Kenny Bell hurt in the first quarter.
3. A missed field goal
4. Giving up long runs to a 4th (FOURTH ARE YOU KIDDING?!) string running back.
5. Dropped passes
6. FOUR interceptions.
Let’s get down to it. After the first drive, fans went something like this.
Should be very clear that Tommy Armstrong should be the starting quarterback regardless of Taylor's status
— Alex Lindquist (@LINDsanity___) November 2, 2013
Armstrong looked great on that series. Beck is starting to open up the offense for him and that's a good thing. 7-0.
— Dave Sund (@davesund) November 2, 2013
Why has Tommy Armstrong not been starting!? #GBR
— Liam Murphy (@Liam_Murphy15) November 2, 2013
— Michael Hynes (@hichaelmynes) November 2, 2013
Welcomed with positive reviews! Go Tommy!
Tommy Armstrong should be our QB! Fuck… t-magic who?
— Matt Hansen (@21Hansen) November 2, 2013
why the fuck have we been playing Taylor Martinez when tommy Armstrong is so god dam good
— Jared Andrews (@tom_and_JARED) November 2, 2013
Oh how quickly the mighty can fall… We needed to keep in mind that despite our good start, we had to keep it into perspective.
I'd just like everyone to recall that we were all real pumped when Taylor scored on the opening drive last week…
— Blackshirt Freshman (@BlackshirtFresh) November 2, 2013
Despite my best efforts, no one listened. Northwestern scored on their next possession, forced the Huskers to punt, and then scored again.
— Christopher Hull (@CHull9) November 2, 2013
That’s pretty neato you have that photo on hand…
Here’s where it got good.
Bo start packing.,. @EyeOnCFB: Northwestern goes 75 yards in six plays to take a 14-7 lead on Nebraska with 2:10 left in the first quarter.
— PigSkinFeed (@PigSkinFeed) November 2, 2013
@Huskers hate to say but losing to northwestern at home (who is 4-4)is grounds for Bo to be fired
— antonio canady (@huslinhusker405) November 2, 2013
— Mike (@mike_913) November 2, 2013
Serious question, is Bo trying to get fired?
— Pat Merrill (@sirpitpat) November 2, 2013
Bo pelini should be fired
— Kevin (@Mister856) November 2, 2013
Bo Pellini is so damn fired.
— Alex Bean (@ABeanTweeting) November 2, 2013
Bo Pelini is going to get fired.
— Aaron Lewis (@AA_Lew) November 2, 2013
Bo Pelini is getting fired tomorrow.
— Money Shot (@The_Money_Shot_) November 2, 2013
And by good, I meant completely unoriginal and repetitive. Follow those with a missed field goal. Repeat above tweets 10-fold.
Sometime shortly into the second quarter, a Ron Kellogg interception led to a 2-play drive that resulted in a touchdown. 21-7 Northwestern.
— Shaun Thornton (@thesthornton) November 2, 2013
— DN Sports (@dnsports) November 2, 2013
Interesting… foreshadowing of something to come.
— Chase Williams (@chasepwilliams) November 2, 2013
— Andy Kendeigh (@AndyKendeigh7) November 2, 2013
Reminder: HE WAS FOURTH ON THE DEPTH CHART AT ONE POINT.
— Sean Adams (@thatsean) November 2, 2013
Just woke up. Nebraska is only down 21-7?
— JB (@JBorn23) November 2, 2013
Have faith, ye of little faith.
Meanwhile, Northwestern up 21-7 at Nebraska right now. The winner of this game might be looking really good for Indy.
— Joe Rexrode (@joerexrode) November 2, 2013
Sorry. Wut? *Points to conference standings.* *Points to 0-4 Northwestern.* *Looks at Joe like he just farted applesauce.*
@joerexrode how is that? What about MSU?
— Jeff Raltz (@SpartaninSC) November 2, 2013
At least someone is asking the right question. I think I know what is going on here…
Oh, because suddenly we are mind readers… NO ONE CAN SEE YOU POINTING AT YOUR TV YOU DOOFUS AND NO ONE KNOWS YOU’RE AT THE GAME. IN YOUR FIRST TWEET THIS MEANS NORTHWESTERN/NEBRASKA. YOU DIDN’T EVEN MENTION YOU’RE WATCHING OR AT A GAME. HOW ARE YOU A JOURNALIST?
I can just imagine how your conversations regularly go.
Joe: This is cool
Joe’s friend on the phone: What’s cool?
Joe: The thing in my hand!
Joe’s friend on the phone: What the fuck is in your hand?
On the ensuing drive, Armstrong got some of his mojo back, on a pass to Enunwa.
Touchdown Nebraska. Armstrong to Anunwa in far corner. PAT good. 21-14 Northwestern 6:37 2Q
— NNN Sports (@nnnsports) November 2, 2013
OH. MY. GOD. That spelling is atrocious. I hope your adviser fails all of you. Especially because this (take notes, Joe, there’s a link there) was your station’s last tweet Saturday. A mere 24 hours later you emerged with no mention of the game. Way to report on the most important thing that happened to your football team you homer. Anyway…
Did he score???? Enunwa business!!!
— Torey Hadwiger (@Haddy35) November 2, 2013
oh yeah ENUNWA BUSINESS
— taylor venema (@taylorvenema) November 2, 2013
I’d be so mad at this joke if I hadn’t made it before. And later…
I wish Quincy Enunwa was my dad.
— taylor venema (@taylorvenema) November 2, 2013
That means you don’t want any of your father’s business, and I find that to be an unhealthy relationship. Moving on to more exciting things.
The entire Haymarket crowd just went NUTS on that Avery Moss interception pick six! #Huskers
— Matt Coatney (@Coatman1) November 2, 2013
Did you do that on purpose?
AVERY MOSS!!! PULL YOUR DONG OUT AND CELEBRATE
— Husk Guys (@HuskGuys) November 2, 2013
Avery Moss with some indecent exposure of his ball skills. #huskers
— Jeff Werkheiser (@j_werky) November 2, 2013
Was waiting for Avery moss to whip it out for his touchdown celebration
— Reid Stagemeyer (@ReidStagemeyer) November 2, 2013
Ahhh yes, you must have, Matt. Unless you’re an accidental genius, and in that case whatever.
Avery Moss should be allowed to whip out his dong as a TD celebration dance. For America.
— Tunnel Walk of Shame (@TunnelWalkShame) November 2, 2013
For America, God dammit! *Cue Lee Greenwood.* “GOD BLESS THE U.S.AAAA!”
— Big Ten Network (@BigTenNetwork) November 2, 2013
CALL IT A FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN BY AVERY MOSS! 21 all in Lincoln!
— Brandon Cavanaugh (@eightlaces) November 2, 2013
Big time pick six by big man Avery Moss for #Nebraska. Grabbed a bullet out of the air from Siemian.
— Joe Quinn (@JoeESPN590) November 2, 2013
— Jake Spanjers (@JakeSpanjers) November 2, 2013
Guys! Just you wait. JUST. YOU. WAIT.
The score stayed the same and some stuff happened and then INTERCEPTION.
Anytime Armstrong jr scrambles it always ends up in an interception
— michael (@mparks_2) November 2, 2013
Why are we throwing! That's the 4th interception of the game …Ameer has been doing awesome and Armstrong is awesome at the Option #thefuck
— Tegtman (@teg_cookie) November 2, 2013
that's armstrong's, what, sixth interception in the last two games he's played?
— Pat Riarchy (@Yelix) November 2, 2013
Basically, no one is happy. I’m facedown in a pile of buffalo sauce and beer, my brother is beating up a homeless man, and the man sitting three down from me is still going on about a missed holding call in the second quarter (one of these is true).
Looks like Nebraska's defense is gonna have to win this game for us…. #jesus
— Riley Gill (@RileyGill71) November 2, 2013
Maybe let Kellogg try the final drive? Just sayin'
— Justin Still (@jmstill300) November 2, 2013
You get your wish.
Hahahaha Ron Kellogg w/ less than a minute left. Good times.
— Ryan Waring (@rymwaring) November 2, 2013
@HuskerExtraBR Couldn't find a time to put Armstrong in last week, but they find time to put Kellogg in down 7 this week? That's cool.
— Nate Pohlen (@NatePohlen) November 2, 2013
Quincy with a untimely drop. Great job by Kellogg!
— HAYDEN (@HaydenDeLano) November 2, 2013
Enunwa with two non-senior moments on this drive. Attempting the return and then that drop.
— Jesse Knutsen (@jesseknutsen) November 2, 2013
It just seemed so bleak…
YOU FINALLY HAD A CHANCE TO WIN AND YOU LOSE WITH FOUR SECONDS LEFT.,.
— Taryn Taylor (@taryntaylor) November 2, 2013
No Taryn. NO. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU.
Nebraska is going to need a hail mary to win this one…
— Gmo4982 (@Gmo4982) November 2, 2013
With four seconds left I don't think Nebraska is going to be able to win this one…
— Email Bravo (@Emi_pb) November 2, 2013
Hail Mrs. Kellogg & Mrs. Westerkamp, full of grace … Blessed art thou among #Huskers and blessed is the fruit of thy wombs, Ron & Jordan.
— dannymoe (@danmoser1961) November 3, 2013
I love Westerkamp I love Kellogg I love Nebraska football!!!!
— Jesse Nicholson (@jnicholson50) November 2, 2013
EVERYONE LOVES THEM.
Kellogg and Westerkamp are so getting laid tonight.
— delani (@unswagnificent) November 2, 2013
IF YOU ARE A GIRL AND IN LINCOLN TONIGHT ITS MANDATORY BLOW JOBS FOR RON KELLOGG AND JORDAN WESTERKAMP!!! #HUSKERS
— Just Joe (@eehhffeecckk) November 2, 2013
NIGGA EVERYONE GETTING DRUNK AND KELLOGG GETTING BLOWJOBS LEFT AND RIGHT
— David Vlasyuk (@DavidWizPotter) November 2, 2013
Even I would fuck Jordan Westerkamp after that catch. #GBR
— Evan Brende (@EvanBrende) November 2, 2013
EVEN YOU? Like it’s some sort of privilege. Surely he’ll have plenty of ladies to choose from.
There are going to be so many girls that want a mustache ride from Westerkamp tonight. #GBR
— Taylor Haney (@TbuyUadrankPain) November 2, 2013
See? Already starting.
I've never seen a mustache look as sexy as it does on Jordan Westerkamp.
— jake bousquet (@JSWOLL88) November 2, 2013
Westerkamp has an awesome porn stache!
— Juli Accola (@GarbageBitch) November 2, 2013
"@DerrekAshmore: Westerkamp has the sexiest porn stache in the midwest"his going be in a couple pornos after that catch
— Josh Myers (@joshmyers17) November 2, 2013
westerkamp is giving out mustache rides tonight to all the ladies in lincoln. shit id ride too
— Bryan Dunn (@bdunn9211) November 2, 2013
If I had a wife, I'd let westerkamp give her a mustache ride right now
— Woodrow (@40Woodrow) November 2, 2013
Mostly dudes… But it seems not everyone was on board.
I would be a little more excited about that catch by Westerkamp but he has a porn stache and that is never okay.
— Alexis Mayse (@alexismayse) November 2, 2013
YOU GO HOME ALEXIS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.
And for anyone that was wondering, Westercamp laid it down hard that night…
What'd Westerkamp do after the catch? According to RKIII, the receiver went home and did his accounting homework. #Huskers
— Brian Christopherson (@HuskerExtraBC) November 4, 2013
Kellogg was too happy to be bothering with blow jobs and mustache rides. In his words, he just blacked out and ran.
Kellogg may or may not have lost a few pounds after his celebratory run after the catch
— Derrek (@DerrekAshmore) November 2, 2013
Ron Kellogg lost 15 pounds after that TD
— Tommy Dalton (@TommyDalton2727) November 2, 2013
Kellogg just lost 10 lbs during his celebration
— kaleb kreikemeier (@krackcitybitch) November 2, 2013
Ron Kellogg needs to lose some lbs, dude was huffin n puffin running around the field celebrating
— pętęy (@topnotchPeteyP) November 2, 2013
You guys are so mean… There are benefits.
— Drew Letcher (@Drewster05) November 3, 2013
While some were debating whether Kellogg was fat or just wore thick pads, others were nice.
Kellogg’s reaction>>>> omg so cute
— jada rush (@jadarush) November 2, 2013
LOOK HOW HAPPY KELLOGG IS IT'S SO CUTE #WELOVEYOU
— ♡Ashley Hothan♡ (@ashleypatriot) November 2, 2013
Kellogg is so homely it's kinda cute hahahahah
— kianna. (@kiannakramper) November 2, 2013
I LOVE YOU RON KELLOGG THE THIRD YOU'RE SO CUTE
— Natalie Bielenberg (@DONTnataLIETOME) November 2, 2013
And of course tides turned.
Next thing you know Nebraska fans want Ron Kellogg to start
— Uriel Valdovinos (@UrielValdovinos) November 3, 2013
Neb. "Fans" last week "fuck kellogg put in armstrong." Now "kellogg is my bro"
— Nick Penlerick (@TrickyyyNickyy) November 2, 2013
If Ron Kellogg doesnt get the start over Michigan i will be very dissapointed. He definitely deserves it. What a great story!
— Cole (@ColeRyderDie) November 4, 2013
Ron Kellogg throws a interception, comes back and totally redeems himself! Way to prove yourself your senior year! Nice f-in work!! #huskers
— Theee Jen Richtarik (@J_richtarik) November 2, 2013
So Kellogg has to start from now on.
— Lucas May (@Lucas_May) November 2, 2013
Kellogg is probably gonna start next week
— The Budgmeister (@C_walter55) November 2, 2013
Ron Kellogg saved NU, he might as well start over T-Tragic
— Kuel (@KKhor11) November 2, 2013
*Sigh* We are a finicky bunch of folks, that’s for sure.
Next week, Tommy Kellogg 2.5 will start at QB in Ann Arbor. #huskers
— Tony Chapman (@theprephuddle) November 3, 2013
That’s probably the best idea I’ve heard all week!
But really, what’s important here, is that a lot had to go wrong before we could celebrate as hard and as passionately as we did. A hurt Jamal Turner was replaced by Jordan Westerkamp, a walk-on redshirt freshman. A shaky Tommy Armstrong was pulled at the end of the game. If that missed field goal gets made, it’s possible the Huskers win on a defensive stand, and the Blackshirts revel in the glory. But it’s not the same as a Hail Mary.
Everything leading up to the Hail Mary is what made is special. Sure, an undefeated Husker team would still celebrate a Hail Mary win and the fans would breathe a sigh of relief and still go nuts. But a downtrodden fan base in need of a pick-me-up, a coach possibly on the out, a team full of injuries, a game full of mistakes. It has a different energy. It all makes sense later.
You see what I’m saying? Sometimes you need shitty things to happen in order to enjoy those unique moments. All of those dropped passes, those four interceptions, the missed field goal, the punts…they played an integral part in the making of this story. It all has to go wrong before it goes right.
Even Kellogg played a big part in his own Cinderella story. Say he doesn’t throw that first interception, and the Huskers continue downfield for a touchdown? Suddenly it’s a different game, and a likely ho-hum ending. Or the whole situation is flipped! Northwestern may have won on a Hail Mary. Imagine how we’d feel then. The things we’d say.
We needed those interceptions. We needed Quincy to drop that ball with 4 seconds left. It hurt at the time, but it was a blessing. The Huskers may not have gotten the ball spiked with enough time. They might not have made the field goal. Even if the field goal is made, there’s no guarantee of a win in overtime. But with Kellogg’s pass and Westerkamp’s interception, that W is on the board now and everyone released the powder keg full of tension and anger and sadness and I-could-coach-better-than-Bo claims.
Ron, if you’re fat, then I’m morbidly obese these days. Jordan, you keep rocking the ‘stache. I can’t grow anything like that, so you keep doin’ you. Only you two guys could share that moment. You guys are the ones that made it unique.
So, Ron and Jordan, be proud of yourselves and revel in all of this glory. You deserve it. The team deserves it. The fan base deserves it. We thank you for it. You breathed some life into a lot of people, and maybe some people’s jobs.
Or maybe not…
Even a Hail Mary can't save Bo. He will be fired at seasons end.
— Seth Kaplan (@Seth_Kaplan) November 2, 2013
What about an Our Father?
Follow me on twitter at @blackshirtfresh for more long-winded recaps.
Afterthought: Ameer great job you are amazing and you still deserve the Heisman I just got so wrapped up in the hate machine that I didn’t include you and your amazing performance. You’re so good keep it up and next year you’re going to lift that trophy. YAY.