Category Archives: Jamal Turner

Recap: Nebraska vs. Northwestern

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Saturday, November 2, 2013, will go down in Nebraska folklore as the day that an offensive lineman threw a 49-yard Hail Mary to a young Ron Jeremy to beat Northwestern as time expired.

(And quietly, our main man Ameer Abdullah took the lead for rushing yards in the Big Ten, something I predicted last week. He’s now the 5th leading rusher in the nation. Edit: 6th after Tuesday night’s game, behind by only 15 yards.)

It saved a few jobs…for now. It rejuvenated a fan base…for now.  It made a lot of people happy…for now.

But there were a lot of things that had to wrong before Kellogg-to-Westerkamp reared its beautiful, mustachey head.

Before the game:
1. An ugly loss to UCLA.
2. A Bo Pelini leaked audio  of him cursing the fans.
3. An injured starting QB who was supposed to kick ass, but can’t do that because he may break a toe.
4. A confusing and seemingly  illogical two QB system that doesn’t make much sense to anyone, even Bo.
5. An uglier loss to Minnesota that marred the return of star QB.
6. A pot-smoking, coke-snorting (only once?) former defensive coordinator that is related to our head coach. Oh wait… HAHAHA
7. Questions about the Blackshirts and their ability.
8. The once-named Blackshirts had their Blackshirts taken away.
9. All of the above leading to a disgruntled Husker fan base, on the edge of their seats, and wildly pessimistic.

Gameday:
1. Jamal Turner out.
2. Kenny Bell hurt in the first quarter.
3. A missed field goal
4. Giving up long runs to a 4th (FOURTH ARE YOU KIDDING?!) string running back.
5. Dropped passes
6. FOUR interceptions.

Let’s get down to it. After the first drive, fans went something like this.

Welcomed with positive reviews! Go Tommy!

Oh how quickly the mighty can fall… We needed to keep in mind that despite our good start, we had to keep it into perspective.

Despite my best efforts, no one listened. Northwestern scored on their next possession, forced the Huskers to punt, and then scored again.

That’s pretty neato you have that photo on hand…

Here’s where it got good.

Seriously guys!

And by good, I meant completely unoriginal and repetitive.  Follow those with a missed field goal. Repeat above tweets 10-fold.

Sometime shortly into the second quarter, a Ron Kellogg interception led to a 2-play drive that resulted in a touchdown. 21-7 Northwestern.

Interesting… foreshadowing of something to come.

Reminder: HE WAS FOURTH ON THE DEPTH CHART AT ONE POINT.

Have faith, ye of little faith.

Sorry. Wut? *Points to conference standings.* *Points to 0-4 Northwestern.* *Looks at Joe like he just farted applesauce.*

At least someone is asking the right question. I think I know what is going on here…

Oh, because suddenly we are mind readers… NO ONE CAN SEE YOU POINTING AT YOUR TV YOU DOOFUS AND NO ONE KNOWS YOU’RE AT THE GAME. IN YOUR FIRST TWEET THIS MEANS NORTHWESTERN/NEBRASKA. YOU DIDN’T EVEN MENTION YOU’RE WATCHING OR AT A GAME. HOW ARE YOU A JOURNALIST?

I can just imagine how your conversations regularly go.
Joe: This is cool
Joe’s friend on the phone: What’s cool?
Joe: The thing in my hand!
Joe’s friend on the phone: What the fuck is in your hand?
Joe: THIS!
*click*

On the ensuing drive, Armstrong got some of his mojo back, on a pass to Enunwa.

OH. MY. GOD. That spelling is atrocious. I hope your adviser fails all of you. Especially because this (take notes, Joe, there’s a link there) was your station’s last tweet Saturday. A mere 24 hours later you emerged with no mention of the game. Way to report on the most important thing that happened to your football team you homer. Anyway…

I’d be so mad at this joke if I hadn’t made it before. And later…

That means you don’t want any of your father’s business, and I find that to be an unhealthy relationship. Moving on to more exciting things.

Did you do that on purpose?

Ahhh yes, you must have, Matt. Unless you’re an accidental genius, and in that case whatever.

For America, God dammit! *Cue Lee Greenwood.* “GOD BLESS THE U.S.AAAA!”

Guys! Just you wait. JUST. YOU. WAIT.

The score stayed the same and some stuff happened and then INTERCEPTION.

Basically, no one is happy. I’m facedown in a pile of buffalo sauce and beer, my brother is beating up a homeless man, and the man sitting three down from me is still going on about a missed holding call in the second quarter (one of these is true).

"You mean.... #Jordy?"
“You mean…. #Jordy? But you can call me Jesus if you want.”
“Yeah bro, chill out.
#JordyJesus and I know what we doin’.”

You get your wish.

It just seemed so bleak…

No Taryn. NO. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU.

And then…

HOLY SHIT

EVERYONE LOVES THEM.

EVEN YOU? Like it’s some sort of privilege. Surely he’ll have plenty of ladies to choose from.

See? Already starting.

Mostly dudes… But it seems not everyone was on board.

YOU GO HOME ALEXIS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.

And for anyone that was wondering, Westercamp laid it down hard that night…

Kellogg was too happy to be bothering with blow jobs and mustache rides. In his words, he just blacked out and ran.

You guys are so mean… There are benefits.

While some were debating whether Kellogg was fat or just wore thick pads, others were nice.

And of course tides turned.

*Sigh* We are a finicky bunch of folks, that’s for sure.

That’s probably the best idea I’ve heard all week!

But really, what’s important here, is that a lot had to go wrong before we could celebrate as hard and as passionately as we did. A hurt Jamal Turner was replaced by Jordan Westerkamp, a walk-on redshirt freshman. A shaky Tommy Armstrong was pulled at the end of the game. If that missed field goal gets made, it’s possible the Huskers win on a defensive stand, and the Blackshirts revel in the glory. But it’s not the same as a Hail Mary.

Everything leading up to the Hail Mary is what made is special. Sure, an undefeated Husker team would still celebrate a Hail Mary win and the fans would breathe a sigh of relief and still go nuts. But a downtrodden fan base in need of a pick-me-up, a coach possibly on the out, a team full of injuries, a game full of mistakes. It has a different energy. It all makes sense later.

You see what I’m saying? Sometimes you need shitty things to happen in order to enjoy those unique moments. All of those dropped passes, those four interceptions, the missed field goal, the punts…they played an integral part in the making of this story. It all has to go wrong before it goes right.

Even Kellogg played a big part in his own Cinderella story. Say he doesn’t throw that first interception, and the Huskers continue downfield for a touchdown? Suddenly it’s a different game, and a likely ho-hum ending. Or the whole situation is flipped! Northwestern may have won on a Hail Mary. Imagine how we’d feel then. The things we’d say.

We needed those interceptions. We needed Quincy to drop that ball with 4 seconds left. It hurt at the time, but it was a blessing. The Huskers may not have gotten the ball spiked with enough time. They might not have made the field goal. Even if the field goal is made, there’s no guarantee of a win in overtime. But with Kellogg’s pass and Westerkamp’s interception, that W is on the board now and everyone released the powder keg full of tension and anger and sadness and I-could-coach-better-than-Bo claims.

Ron, if you’re fat, then I’m morbidly obese these days. Jordan, you keep rocking the ‘stache. I can’t grow anything like that, so you keep doin’ you. Only you two guys could share that moment. You guys are the ones that made it unique.

So, Ron and Jordan, be proud of yourselves and revel in all of this glory. You deserve it. The team deserves it. The fan base deserves it. We thank you for it. You breathed some life into a lot of people, and maybe some people’s jobs.

Or maybe not…

What about an Our Father?

Follow me on twitter at @blackshirtfresh for more long-winded recaps.

Afterthought: Ameer great job you are amazing and you still deserve the Heisman I just got so wrapped up in the hate machine that I didn’t include you and your amazing performance. You’re so good keep it up and next year you’re going to lift that trophy. YAY.