Category Archives: Recaps

Recap: Nebraska at Michigan State

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I’m not giving up. I’m not ready to yet. I’ve given too much of my heart to this team to walk away, turn my back, or blow them off. One loss does not a season make.

It’s true that Nebraska has a tendency to stumble when the national spotlight shines right on them. However, Saturday’s game will go down in history because not only did the Huskers stumble, it was the time that Jake Cotton took Ke$ha a little too seriously.

I really thought these kinds of things weren’t going to happen any more.

But it could be worse… and it has yet to be disputed.

Alas, Cotton’s tumble was only the beginning of our O-line’s woes.

Nebraska’s offensive line was about as effective as a 40-year old condom – just letting every damn thing through.

Sigh. It’s almost like we were playing a real team.

Nebraska did not deserve to win that game, at least for the first three quarters. The team wasted golden opportunities; Tommy looked terrified in the pocket and didn’t look through his progressions, like, ever; Ameer couldn’t get himself any holes. It was nothing short of a clusterfuck. A Huskerfuck? Whatever you call it, it was bad.

A tiny glimmer? For how often our defense had to be out there, we did well enough to keep the Huskers in the game. For a usually high-powered offense like Big Red’s, 27 points should have been nothing to overcome. But we couldn’t, and if it weren’t for the Blackshirts, we wouldn’t have been set up for a potentially thrilling comeback.

We showed something in the 4th quarter. We showed the heart that we hear about. No one gave up, and no one gave in. The D shored up. Tommy calmed down. Two drives resulted in a touchdown. DeMornay Pierson-El kept up his one-man punt-return show, and came through when it was needed most.

For a team that looked dead for three quarters, we were ALIVE. We were thriving. Sure we needed some luck. But what’s that they say about luck? Sometimes it’s pretty fucking stupid except when it goes your way and then it’s totally radical.

Something like that…

Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky and good. Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Yadda Yadda blah blah blah.

We weren’t prepared. Not the way we should have been, and certainly not early on. But we got our ducks in a row, our shit together, and we scared MSU, as we should. We were off kilter for 75 percent of a game, with people falling over, and Mark Pelini snapping the ball at will. But for 25% of the game – ONE. FUCKING. QUARTER. – we were on point. It took only one quarter to make it a game. We made it something worthwhile. Maybe MSU is all its are cracked up to be. Maybe we were caught off guard for a bit. One thing is for certain: Nebraska isn’t going to roll over and die. Because god damn, we can keep up with, and surpass this team in the B1G championship when we are firing on all cylinders for four quarters, and of that, I am convinced. If we had gotten just 5 more minutes of productivity in any of the 3 previous quarters, the scoreboard may have told a completely different story.

I still believe, because we’ve got guys like this:

(Side note: Ameer still leads the nation in rushing after only putting up 45 yards on Saturday. So lets all just remember which dog is still top dog, you fucking asshats that have questioned his ability. I’M LOOKING AT YOU EVERY ANALYST EVER.)

Any team that can bounce back, scare the day’s lunch out of your dumb Spartan butthole, and do it without one of its top receivers for half the game?

That’s a team I believe in.

Recap: Nebraska vs. Iowa

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Sigh.

Another regular season in the books, only this time with no visit to a conference championship. Nebraska’s season fizzled out against a potent Iowa team that looked much more prepared…and healthy.

The Hawkeyes scored about as many points as the Huskers have injuries. But that goes with the territory of playing a game where 200-pound sacks of muscle run full-speed at one another. So the injuries are no excuse. But at least Iowa now has their first win against Nebraska since our joining of the Big Ten, and their first win against Nebraska since 1981.

I guess we’ve got ourselves a rivalry? Kinda.

 

Alright, so the jury is still out on that one. I guess we’ll have to wait a few more years, but by then we’ll be back to playing Wisconsin and that’s where a lot of the drama lies. Though, #WiscHateWeek just doesn’t have the same ring as #IowaHateWeek. Speaking of, I’d say it was a success. The point of #IowaHateWeek is to have some fun, make sweeping generalizations, and, in my case, poke fun at the stupidest laws in the state. There were some unhappy folks, regardless of Iowa’s win.

Only an Iowan would think it’s possible to fuck yourself with a twitter trend.

HEY! That’s FauxPelini’s schtick! See, they’re unoriginal, too.

And then THIS guy comes flying back in!

The reason face palms were invented. In fact, lets take a time out to look at what else he had to offer Nebraska fans.

That hashtag though…

Apparently IOWA in this case stands for Ignorant Old White Asshole.

Back to our regular scheduled programming…

Classic Nebraska: 5 National Championships and a .703 all-time record.
Classic Iowa: 1 National Championship and a .530 all-time record.

I’ll keep my Classic Nebraska, thank you.

I get it…But I don’t. Trimester. Three. Not four. A fourth trimester would be one hell of an OT.

And then this happened…

 

That’s what I like to see. Get some other folks in on it! Alas, it wouldn’t sit well with one Iowan in particular.

 

 

Donkey punching. Always the answer to generalized shit-talking.

His contribution to Iowa’s recruiting efforts are impeccable…

He’s not particularly fond of me either. And judging by the grammar in the following screenshot, it was either him or a friend of his that complimented my dry humor, then butchered basic sentence structure and the English language while telling me I’m not good at writing.

Screen Shot 2013-12-03 at 12.13.54 AM

Only an Iowan would mix a hockey metaphor into a football tweet.

I do some research, slap two correlating facts together, and people STILL think I’m a dumbass. I CAN’T WIN.

I already can’t wait for next year! Even thought it’s not much of a rivalry.

Seeing as Iowa is excited about their 8-4 record and Nebraska is bummed about the same record, I’ve come to the following conclusion: The Huskers and Hawkeyes won’t be rivals until Iowa gets good enough to be as disappointed about an 8-4 season as Nebraska is.

We’ve got a long way to go.

Follow me on Twitter at @blackshirtfresh.

Recap: Nebraska at Penn State

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It almost happened. Karma almost came back to bite us, but it didn’t.

As I mentioned before the game, I was nervous that there’d be some sort of retribution from last year’s goal line fumble. The refs tried SO hard. So so hard. But in the end, it played out alright, I’d say.

It was apparently very cold.

Are you SURE about that Lanny?

Someone won’t be happy.

“But MOOOM, all the other kids get to go to the game!”

If these guys can do it, so can Bill.i

(As of publication, these two were still trying to unfurl their testes, lodged firmly between their livers and spleens.)

I guess there are worse places to be…

You’ll never be president with a mouth like that, young lady!

Way to jinx it.

“Yeah, GO NITT! BEAT CORN.” I’d rather eat corn.

It’s games like this, when it’s cold and windy apparently, that something very little can have a sweeping impact on the game later. In this case…

Hipster hate! Hating before it was cool to hate.

You should have maybe hoped harder.

Of course, the game did come down to that goal post, but not without some drama.

There was Quincy Enunwa’s touchdown catch that made everyone go “fuck yeah.”

And then takes the lead with a made PAT. LOL.

Then Nebraska did something that we NEVER see. A BLOCKED PUNT.

See. You didn’t believe me, but I told you!

Of course, it took the punter dropping the snap to get us out there, but hey…I’ll take it.

You should be sorry. you should ALL be ashamed of yourselves. There was an immeasurable amount of tweets that followed that same format.

How about ButterWORTHLESS?! Eh, eh.

(I’m really sad that didn’t get more love during the game. I thought I was so clever.)

Sadly, after coming up with some stellar field position, Ameer Abdullah fumbled. We got bit by the fumblebug.

Cue* – Ain’t nobody got time to translate your spanglish!

Thanks a lot BOBAMA.

So instead of a 14-6 lead (AHAHA MISSED PAT) at halftime, Nebraska went in only up 7-6.

So some shit happened, Penn State scored…AND THEN KENNY HAPPENED.

99*

Atta kid.

WHOA. Lot going on there.

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE. CAN YOU PEOPLE GET ANY WORSE?

I shouldn’t have asked…

You’re welcome, asshat. Keep in mind that shush there at the end. It comes back into play later.

Besides, he had the best photo of the day.

STARE AT IT STARE AT IT STARE AT IT.

*FAINTS*

More stuff happened, and then the CALL happened. With Nebraska down 20-17, Ameer tore off a touchdown run to only have it called back after a phantom penalty call. OMG it’s the karma.

OOO Dog face. Shots fired!

 

*SIGH*

The refs just can’t make it easy. After my careful and expert review, I determined that the penalty was a bit of BS. Sam Burtch made an insurance block, and that Penn State defender looks like he would have fallen over if there was a hot fart directed at him, let alone a half-assed block. That was a football play. Nothing other. Poor Ameer.

Nebraska, fumbled and Sam Burtch recovered it, keeping the Huskers’ hopes alive and simultaneously redeeming himself for something he didn’t need to redeem. A field goal, and a couple of punts later and we are headed to OVERTIME!!!

MAAAYBE he can redeem himself.

Such grammar.

Man, you guys are brutal. I’d like to see you get out there and do that.

Or Pat Smith.

Penn State held the Huskers on three downs, forcing a field goal to win. But of course it would not be that easy. Enter, referees.

Such. High hopes.

That’s because it was colder than a witch’s titty that night. But I bet he had Natty Ice running through his veins later! WOOOO.

Enter angry  Penn State:

High-quality shit talking here…

WELL IT WAS COLD. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

He wanted to hear the congratulatory praise from his teammates and your stadium was too loud for him to hear.

But he did. And he didn’t even HAVE to put his finger to his lips. He put the ball through the uprights, and that’s what counted.

If anything shushed Penn State, it was that whooshing sound of the Ficken’s missed field goal only a few minutes earlier. OOO BURN.

Enter Nebraska’s week 13 darling:

HAHAHA I CRACK MYSELF UP SO HARD. No really, though. Here he is. You can continue to crucify the guy above for all I care.

Atta boy Pat. You keep wooing them ladies!

Follow me on twitter at @blackshirtfresh

Recap: Nebraska vs. Michigan State

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Oy vey.

The most important thing we Nebraska fan’s learned after Saturday’s unravelling against Michigan State is that it’s going to be a long time before turnovers are a thing of the past.

The most important thing college football learned after Saturday’s game is that the hype surrounding MSU’s defense is undeserved, at the least.

They’re good, but not great. They aren’t the defensive juggernaut that analysts and journalists verbally fellate.

Three turnovers on the FIRST THREE POSSESSIONS has got to be some kind of record at Nebraska.

Ohhhh boy. Here we go. I’ll let my friends help explain this to you.

PLUS HE WAS LOOKING STRAIGHT IN THE SUN.

…of your ass. I assume that’s what she meant. Tommy Armstrong had Sam Burch wide open on the sideline. Ugh. Mental error.

They did. THEY DID! How awesome is that?

On to the next one.

So sad. He’ll be back. He’s young. He’ll learn.

This inflates stats and drums up hype. Kurtis made the tackle. There was no ball contact. Westerkamp let his arm and ball leave his body creating an opportunity to fumble the ball. An opportunity that shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

Westerkamp fielded that punt at the 8-yard line. He should have let it go, and it hopefully bounces into the end-zone. Even if he doesn’t do that, he should fair-catch that fuckin’ thing because he was about to get drilled.

Let the punt roll, no fumble. Fair-catch, no fumble. Two mistakes led to the fumble mistake. An error in execution, if you will.

These are not forced turnovers. These are what I like to call collective fuckery.

Tommy fumbled two more times, and of course, only one of those was forced.

This is correct.

This too.

NO NO NO NO NO. You’re only half right. Calhoun caused the fumble. A lack of execution caused the others.

I just face-palmed so hard I broke my nose.

So what about the last fumble? Nebraska the proud new owner of a buttfumble.

Pregnancy, much like fumbling, cannot be blamed on you if you pull out early enough. Remember that, guys.

Cole Pensick mis-timed his movement. TA2 pulled out early. It created the fumble fucker. This was on our own 1-yard line. Sparty recovered on the 3, and scored on the next play. It was inevitable. It’s not a stretch of the imagination that even a wonky defense can score from three yards out.

In conclusion: MSU’s defensive stats, and points after turnovers (24), were handed to them. The starting field position for each score after a turnover? Nebraska’s 40, 22, 8, and 3. All resulted in a touchdown except for the drive that started on the 40, which resulted in a field goal after 12-yard drive.

The interception in the first quarter led to a drive that started on the Nebraska 46 and was moved to the MSU 44 after a holding call. Nebraska still gave up 12 yards, but managed to get the punt. Without that holding call? That’s 3 more points on the board fro MSU. We got “lucky” there.

But MSU was luckier. The defense didn’t do a whole lot to give the MSU the ball all the time. WE did it. We gave up the ball. We gave them the opportunity to pound their chests and boast about the defense. We gave the MSU offense a gazillion chances to show they aren’t incompetent.

Think about this: Nebraska only had the ball for 21 minutes, 23 seconds, and STILL put up 28 points on MSU. WITH A PATCHWORK OFFENSE. Everybody is hurt. The line is held together with spit and glue. We’re torn up.

And THAT Nebraska offense, with so little time and wasting FIVE opportunities on turnovers, still managed to run for 182 yards and pass for 210 yards. No TEAM has rushed for more than 100 yards, and Ameer Abdullah did it with plenty of room to spare.

Only once had anyone rushed for more than 20 yards on one play against MSU, yet Imani Cross had a 51-yard run that resulted in a touchdown, after being touched by a total of zero Spartans. Ameer added another 29-yard run.

Sam Burtch had a touchdown catch of 32 yards after being covered by a total of zero Spartans. Kenny Bell had a touchdown jump-ball catch for 38 yards.

Nebraska took 1:48 to move the ball 75 yards on their last-ditch drive of the game when Ameer scored the last touchdown. With a third-string quarterback.

392 total yards. That’s what MSU gave up. Good. But not great.

All of the above is not characteristic of a team that gets the hype that it does, especially against an offense that’s “not that great.”

In a game with hundreds of What Ifs, lets take a look at one of them. Lets assume the game goes exactly as it did instead of one drive.

What if Tommy doesn’t fumble on the goal line? Lets say that the drive goes exactly as planned, and Nebraska scores. MSU never scores. That’s a 14-point swing. Plus 7 in our favor, minus 7 for MSU. 35-34 Nebraska. Oh, and then that’s 491 yards racked up on the best defense in the country. But the defense didn’t save MSU from giving up those extra 99 yards. That would be NEBRASKA’s miscue.

You can play that scenario with any of the three turnovers that resulted in touchdowns. It’s how the game works though, the mistake cannot be reversed.

What if there were NO turnovers. Or just one? What if the Blackshirts were lights out? What if every turnover resulted in a score for Nebraska. Take 24 points off of MSU. Add anywhere from 15 to 35 points for Nebraska.

This game could have should have gone a million other ways with Nebraska winning. But it didn’t, thanks in no small part to barfy ball handling skills. Nebraska punted 5 times. MSU 7. This makes me think Nebraska’s defense is better than MSU’s, and the numbers show it. But a steadily improving defense is often overlooked when there’s a steadily declining defense whose reputation still resonates for some reason. Hellooooo OSU smoke show.

Some people think otherwise.

Oh fuck it, lets get to the people that agree with me:

From the mouth of babes.

Says anyone that isn’t a Spartan fan.

But the best tweet about this entire situation goes to…

You may have noticed I skipped over the fake field goal attempt. MSU’s “Charlie Brown” that was supposed to be a “Lucy” but actually neither of those because the holder was supposed to read the defense and go through with the kick, but he misread the defense and came up with some Linus bullshit and got the first down.

However, if I’m drunk at a bar in the midafternoon and I can see that field goal coming, the coaches should have too. A coach jacked up on the kool-aid about his stupid fuckin’ defense that has a 6-pt lead in the 4th quarter? Yeah, he’s gonna tell his kids they have the option to fake. And guess what? By their own admission, they shouldn’t have. But they did, we fell for it, and the whole situation on MSU’s sideline became a clusterfuck of inflated defensive egos, amateur psychology, misread defense, and a made-up running route combined to make Nebraska look stupid. It was a collision of mistakes for MSU that became a happy accident.

I’m not bitter though.

Follow me on twitter @blackshirtfresh so you can hear me whine more.

Recap: Nebraska at Michigan – Bringin’ Down the Big House

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Continue reading Recap: Nebraska at Michigan – Bringin’ Down the Big House

Recap: Nebraska vs. Northwestern

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Saturday, November 2, 2013, will go down in Nebraska folklore as the day that an offensive lineman threw a 49-yard Hail Mary to a young Ron Jeremy to beat Northwestern as time expired.

(And quietly, our main man Ameer Abdullah took the lead for rushing yards in the Big Ten, something I predicted last week. He’s now the 5th leading rusher in the nation. Edit: 6th after Tuesday night’s game, behind by only 15 yards.)

It saved a few jobs…for now. It rejuvenated a fan base…for now.  It made a lot of people happy…for now.

But there were a lot of things that had to wrong before Kellogg-to-Westerkamp reared its beautiful, mustachey head.

Before the game:
1. An ugly loss to UCLA.
2. A Bo Pelini leaked audio  of him cursing the fans.
3. An injured starting QB who was supposed to kick ass, but can’t do that because he may break a toe.
4. A confusing and seemingly  illogical two QB system that doesn’t make much sense to anyone, even Bo.
5. An uglier loss to Minnesota that marred the return of star QB.
6. A pot-smoking, coke-snorting (only once?) former defensive coordinator that is related to our head coach. Oh wait… HAHAHA
7. Questions about the Blackshirts and their ability.
8. The once-named Blackshirts had their Blackshirts taken away.
9. All of the above leading to a disgruntled Husker fan base, on the edge of their seats, and wildly pessimistic.

Gameday:
1. Jamal Turner out.
2. Kenny Bell hurt in the first quarter.
3. A missed field goal
4. Giving up long runs to a 4th (FOURTH ARE YOU KIDDING?!) string running back.
5. Dropped passes
6. FOUR interceptions.

Let’s get down to it. After the first drive, fans went something like this.

Welcomed with positive reviews! Go Tommy!

Oh how quickly the mighty can fall… We needed to keep in mind that despite our good start, we had to keep it into perspective.

Despite my best efforts, no one listened. Northwestern scored on their next possession, forced the Huskers to punt, and then scored again.

That’s pretty neato you have that photo on hand…

Here’s where it got good.

Seriously guys!

And by good, I meant completely unoriginal and repetitive.  Follow those with a missed field goal. Repeat above tweets 10-fold.

Sometime shortly into the second quarter, a Ron Kellogg interception led to a 2-play drive that resulted in a touchdown. 21-7 Northwestern.

Interesting… foreshadowing of something to come.

Reminder: HE WAS FOURTH ON THE DEPTH CHART AT ONE POINT.

Have faith, ye of little faith.

Sorry. Wut? *Points to conference standings.* *Points to 0-4 Northwestern.* *Looks at Joe like he just farted applesauce.*

At least someone is asking the right question. I think I know what is going on here…

Oh, because suddenly we are mind readers… NO ONE CAN SEE YOU POINTING AT YOUR TV YOU DOOFUS AND NO ONE KNOWS YOU’RE AT THE GAME. IN YOUR FIRST TWEET THIS MEANS NORTHWESTERN/NEBRASKA. YOU DIDN’T EVEN MENTION YOU’RE WATCHING OR AT A GAME. HOW ARE YOU A JOURNALIST?

I can just imagine how your conversations regularly go.
Joe: This is cool
Joe’s friend on the phone: What’s cool?
Joe: The thing in my hand!
Joe’s friend on the phone: What the fuck is in your hand?
Joe: THIS!
*click*

On the ensuing drive, Armstrong got some of his mojo back, on a pass to Enunwa.

OH. MY. GOD. That spelling is atrocious. I hope your adviser fails all of you. Especially because this (take notes, Joe, there’s a link there) was your station’s last tweet Saturday. A mere 24 hours later you emerged with no mention of the game. Way to report on the most important thing that happened to your football team you homer. Anyway…

I’d be so mad at this joke if I hadn’t made it before. And later…

That means you don’t want any of your father’s business, and I find that to be an unhealthy relationship. Moving on to more exciting things.

Did you do that on purpose?

Ahhh yes, you must have, Matt. Unless you’re an accidental genius, and in that case whatever.

For America, God dammit! *Cue Lee Greenwood.* “GOD BLESS THE U.S.AAAA!”

Guys! Just you wait. JUST. YOU. WAIT.

The score stayed the same and some stuff happened and then INTERCEPTION.

Basically, no one is happy. I’m facedown in a pile of buffalo sauce and beer, my brother is beating up a homeless man, and the man sitting three down from me is still going on about a missed holding call in the second quarter (one of these is true).

"You mean.... #Jordy?"
“You mean…. #Jordy? But you can call me Jesus if you want.”
“Yeah bro, chill out.
#JordyJesus and I know what we doin’.”

You get your wish.

It just seemed so bleak…

No Taryn. NO. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU.

And then…

HOLY SHIT

EVERYONE LOVES THEM.

EVEN YOU? Like it’s some sort of privilege. Surely he’ll have plenty of ladies to choose from.

See? Already starting.

Mostly dudes… But it seems not everyone was on board.

YOU GO HOME ALEXIS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.

And for anyone that was wondering, Westercamp laid it down hard that night…

Kellogg was too happy to be bothering with blow jobs and mustache rides. In his words, he just blacked out and ran.

You guys are so mean… There are benefits.

While some were debating whether Kellogg was fat or just wore thick pads, others were nice.

And of course tides turned.

*Sigh* We are a finicky bunch of folks, that’s for sure.

That’s probably the best idea I’ve heard all week!

But really, what’s important here, is that a lot had to go wrong before we could celebrate as hard and as passionately as we did. A hurt Jamal Turner was replaced by Jordan Westerkamp, a walk-on redshirt freshman. A shaky Tommy Armstrong was pulled at the end of the game. If that missed field goal gets made, it’s possible the Huskers win on a defensive stand, and the Blackshirts revel in the glory. But it’s not the same as a Hail Mary.

Everything leading up to the Hail Mary is what made is special. Sure, an undefeated Husker team would still celebrate a Hail Mary win and the fans would breathe a sigh of relief and still go nuts. But a downtrodden fan base in need of a pick-me-up, a coach possibly on the out, a team full of injuries, a game full of mistakes. It has a different energy. It all makes sense later.

You see what I’m saying? Sometimes you need shitty things to happen in order to enjoy those unique moments. All of those dropped passes, those four interceptions, the missed field goal, the punts…they played an integral part in the making of this story. It all has to go wrong before it goes right.

Even Kellogg played a big part in his own Cinderella story. Say he doesn’t throw that first interception, and the Huskers continue downfield for a touchdown? Suddenly it’s a different game, and a likely ho-hum ending. Or the whole situation is flipped! Northwestern may have won on a Hail Mary. Imagine how we’d feel then. The things we’d say.

We needed those interceptions. We needed Quincy to drop that ball with 4 seconds left. It hurt at the time, but it was a blessing. The Huskers may not have gotten the ball spiked with enough time. They might not have made the field goal. Even if the field goal is made, there’s no guarantee of a win in overtime. But with Kellogg’s pass and Westerkamp’s interception, that W is on the board now and everyone released the powder keg full of tension and anger and sadness and I-could-coach-better-than-Bo claims.

Ron, if you’re fat, then I’m morbidly obese these days. Jordan, you keep rocking the ‘stache. I can’t grow anything like that, so you keep doin’ you. Only you two guys could share that moment. You guys are the ones that made it unique.

So, Ron and Jordan, be proud of yourselves and revel in all of this glory. You deserve it. The team deserves it. The fan base deserves it. We thank you for it. You breathed some life into a lot of people, and maybe some people’s jobs.

Or maybe not…

What about an Our Father?

Follow me on twitter at @blackshirtfresh for more long-winded recaps.

Afterthought: Ameer great job you are amazing and you still deserve the Heisman I just got so wrapped up in the hate machine that I didn’t include you and your amazing performance. You’re so good keep it up and next year you’re going to lift that trophy. YAY.

RecAPATHETIC: Nebraska at Minnesota

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The loss on Saturday was devastating. I was at a new bar, making new friends, all hyped up on our sure-win over Minnesota. It was not to be. Nonetheless, I still had it in me to write a recap, knowing there was sure to be good fodder on the Twitter. And then I read Twitter.

That’s the least of the spew that was hurled at Husker football players. Most of it had to do with dropped passes or sucking. I don’t want to draw any more attention to the people who get on a soapbox and berate a bunch of hard-working players that are still JUST KIDS. So I’m hardly writing a damn thing today.

Especially after some fool decided to liken Kenny Bell’s dog, Mox, getting hit by a car to his on-field performance. I could write tens of thousands of words on this subject, so I’ll refrain. It can be best summed up by: You don’t mess with a man’s dog.

This enraged a nation (or at least Twitter nation), and the internet was rife with people showering Kenny and his pup with love and prayers (the pup is now at home and doing well). This made me happy, but no less apathetic about stupid people.

So that’s about all you’re going to get from me. Three days late on the recap and I still just hate people.

To Recap:
1. The Huskers lost.
2. Twitter reacts unkindly, and mostly rudely.
3. Kenny Bell’s dog is hit by a car.
4. Imbecile uses this to tell Kenny he had a bad game, thus infuriating anyone with a brain.
5. Twitter reacts again, this time in support of Kenny.
6. My faith in humanity is restored because of number 5.
7. Search Twitter to write recap.
8. Determine people are assholes.
9. Give up, look toward next week.
10. Weep.

Other notes:
Tunnel Walk of Shame wrote the best article about Husker football this side of 2012.
– Carl Pelini is a pothead.

A closing note: To any one who feels it is their duty to berate, insult, make fun of, or otherwise be rude to a player, censor yourself. Stop yourself. These guys have been working and honing their skills for years on end, and they continue to work on these skills daily. They are constantly striving to get better. They will drop passes, they will fumble, they will stumble. But they are still likely working harder than you at anything you’re currently doing.

If that’s not enough, remember that there was a time that you had to be trained not to shit in your pants (not even a skill – just hygiene), and even that took some of you more than five years. Before you tweet, think back to the days when you ran around the playground with doo-doo smeared on the inside of your Power Ranger overalls and realize you, too, are not above dropping something.

Follow me on twitter at @blackshirtfresh for more apathy.

Recap: Nebraska at Purdue – Spinning Our Wheels

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It seems the further we get from Saturday’s game, the more confused I get.  Nebraska played well – consistent – for the most part, against a team that some say could have really upset the Cornhuskers never really had a chance.

MOST of the fans understood this, even early on.

WHOA WHOA WHOA. I like your last name, but I was NOT at the game. I and my stubby neck were beering and eating tacos at kickoff at 9 AM in sunny SoCal.

Nebraska fans weren’t there yet because they were hungover. Remember? Out numbering Purdue fans at the bar. KEEP UP DERRICK.

Clearly, some Purdue fans were keeping up the night before the game…

Alright, Jacob. Sit down young man, lets have a chat. You’re a dreamer. I can see that. You’ve got some reach-for-the-stars goals. I appreciate that. But a shitty scalper “friend” does not a businessman make. Really, if you’re selling the tickets for below face value but above the current StubHub asking price, you’re still not scalping. You should probably stick to something else. Let me show you what some of your peers were up to last weekend. It should give you a better sense of direction for your next game.

And THAT, Derrick, is where all of those Nebraska fans came from that you saw later in the game.

Despite the abundance talent on our sidelines and our fans in Ross-Ade stadium, some Boilermaker fans deemed this the appropriate time to call an upset.

KELLEN! You got one out of three, almost two! But don’t take your skills to Vegas because this parlay would end up with you wandering drunk somewhere behind the Flamingo, trying to figure out where you were almost right (if only KState didn’t throw that 4th-quarter interception) and just where you went wrong. (Hint: Purdue).

This was so far from coherent, I have to wonder if he was the only other Purdue fan at the bars the night before. In any case, that’s correct. There were “turns over” and the Huskers did benefit from them. *Ignores Tommy Armstrong’s three interceptions*

Those turns over by Tommy never led to any points for Purdue. One actually led directly to a safety, so the Huskers really only had a differential of -5 points on one of his INTs.

Nebraska actually had a fairly good day on the defensive end of the ball.

PAUL THIS IS PURDUE PLEASE DON’T GET AHEAD OF YOURSELF.

Most others stayed within their bounds, without making hasty generalizations.

(It’s that Purdue was that bad, FYI.)

Holding a team to 32 yards of rushing is pretty cool, so we will chalk that one up to a defensive improvement. Even if their leading rusher was averaging 39 yards per game before that. The Huskers could have had an even better stat line has SJB not been ejected for a “controversial” “targeting” penalty.

I have, too, been as angry as this fella to where I could no longer type.

Pretty rational. Mild name calling. Nothing too vulgar.

Holy shit, Trey, you didn’t even try and you’re full of double entendres. Why don’t we keep the language to a minimum? Ohh… Oh no.

Mind you, this is the same person who said during the Holocaust “Despite everything, I think people are really good at heart.” If Anne Frank hates you, you’re doing everything wrong.

The real travesty about the ejection is that SJB didn’t have the opportunity to move into a tie for first in the nation in interceptions. Maybe SJB could have preserved the shutout… Purdue scored a touchdown with 39 seconds left when Nebraska was already in the locker room.

WE ARE STILL THE CLASSIEST FANS IN FOOTBALL EVEN WHEN OUR TEAM LETS YOUR TEAM SCORE BECAUSE SPORTSMANSHIP.

They scored almost as easily as Ameer Abdullah, who ran for 126 yards on Saturday. He didn’t quite get to 310 yards to break the 1,000 mark, but he still showed his wealth of talent. He’s now sixth in the nation in rushing yards, and only two of the top 10 have a higher yards-per-carry average. I don’t want to get ahead of myself…but some strong performances down the stretch could earn some Heisman whispers for this guy next year. I like this idea, so I’m going to start promoting it now.

Purdue-ians might disagree, especially Boilermaker defensive back Ricardo Allen:

“We played really well on first and second downs. It was third downs that we need to look inside and tell ourselves that we want to execute better than the person in front of us. It didn’t come off of their execution, it came off of us and not making our plays or executing ourselves. At the end of the day, we need to practice better and then execute better, because everything they did was on the film.”

This could be troublesome! If we aren’t doing anything different except for the things that work, whatever shall we do now?! HIGH-FIVE OURSELVES.


“High five Imani! No? GOOD JOB KENNY!!”

This might be what’s keeping Nebraska out of the AP Polls. There’s no point in breaking it down further. Plenty of people have done so and I’m tired of hearing it. Instead, an exclusive look at the sportswriters that determine these kinds of things.

No one said any of this had to make sense.

Follow me on twitter at @BlackshirtFresh.

Recap: Nebraska vs. Illinois – For Whom the Bell Tolls

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Well, Nebraska is still unranked in the AP poll, but the coaches bumped the Huskers up one spot to 24. This makes me think we are not getting the respect we deserve!

We clearly have a competent backup QB, looking all pass-efficient and shit. Even with winds gusting up to 30 miles an hour, Tommy Armstrong Jr. needed only 8 completions to rack up 135 passing yards. What a guy! He politely declined advances to impede his would-be tacklers.

Polite Tommy

Seriously, an absolute doll.

Granted, 37 of those yards came from the one-handed Kenny Bell catch-and-run for a touchdown. AFRO THUNDER! It was such a thing of beauty, he drew an unsportsmanlike conduct after the TD. I’m convinced that Kenny’s celebration, a fairly common “hushing” of the crowd, was not where the call originated. The refs were so blown away by Kenny’s athleticism, they determined it was unsportsmanlike for him to be that much better than the Illini secondary. It was just so heavenly.

Kenny Heavenly

After the catch, he went another 20 yards for the TD. Everyone celebrated, but Kenny was so concerned with the noise level in the stadium and some people’s fragile eardrums, he shushed the crowd. Again, just another gentlemanly soul on the Huskers.  Here’s the whole thing below, minus the heavenly light. The video cameras can’t catch those kinds of things.

And how about the defense, eh? Giving up 372 yards isn’t great, but it’s still better than how the Huskers have been trending. Nebraska is giving up a lot of first downs – so many that they’re ranked 107 in the nation in opponent first downs. It’s ugly. But only allowing 19 points (17 on while the D was on the field) shows an improvement in later downs, right? WE ARE GETTING BETTER PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THIS, AP.

And last but not least, the beast, Ameer Abdullah. The guy had 225 yards rushing , 2 rushing touchdowns, and a 15-yard reception. Talk about a top performer! He’s 7th in the nation with 690 yards, and that’s after giving up some carries to Imani Cross and Terrell Newby. Yeah yeah, I know that all teams do that, but I’d like to think if he was the only RB we were using he’d have like 2000 yards by now. Sure his five TDs look paltry compared with Jahwan Edwards’ 10, but Imani Cross The Goal Line (sometimes the wrong one) is sniping some deep red zone carries. He’s already racked up six TDs! I have no doubt that Ameer will get his due, though. He’s just too good.

i
Hi T.J! Look at my hand. Nice logo, eh? Kthxbye, it’s touchdown time.

After all this, Nebraska is still unranked in the AP poll, and it’s going to bite us in the ass. As we look down the stretch, there are some pretty solid games ahead of  us. Dramatic games. Exciting games. Northwestern, Michigan, and Michigan State pose the biggest threat. And maybe Penn State, but their defensive woes are starting to come to a head.

MSU still doesn’t have a super convincing offense, but their D pretty much knows what to do. Northwestern and Michigan scare me. They’re potent teams all around, and Northwestern gave OSU a bit of a scare this past weekend. The 10-point loss doesn’t paint the full picture, as the game could have easily ended 34-30 for OSU or 37-34 NW. Shit was getting real, and Northwestern is real.

I don’t even want to bother trying to break down Michigan. They managed to pull out a couple of squeakers, but I get the feeling their offense is getting ready to make a lot of teams miserable.

Nebraska needs to beat Northwestern (19)and Michigan (18) if it has any hope of getting into the B1G Championship. Even beating those two teams, going in unranked after relative softies Purdue and Minnesota will not be convincing enough for the polls to put us anywhere near the top 10.

The Huskers need an essential dismantling of their next two opponents, and then take down Northwestern and Michigan in order. UGH. Even then, I’d estimate we end up ranked somewhere around 13, should most of the ranks remain unfucked. Of course, it’s college football, anything could happen. Should Nebraska win through Nov. 9 (at Michigan – OMG IT’S GOING TO BE SO HARD), they’ll be expected to win out, and if any of those games come down to the wire, it’ll be attributed to the Huskers being Huskers.

It’s a long way out, but Nebraska needs to get back up in the ranks, and the best way to do that is to wallop Purdue this weekend. And then I’ll continue stressing about the AP and impending BCS ranks because that’s what I obsess over for no goddamn reason at all. After that, we can just piss all over the competition.

Follow me on Twitter at @blackshirtfresh.

Recap: Nebraska vs. SDSU – Room For Only One Jack

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After a week of speculation and controversy, it was good to see our boys in red back out on the field. For the most part, there was overwhelming support for Bo, as demonstrated by the standing ovation he received. I’m sure there were angry comments and sporadic boos, but I don’t count those because I don’t want them. Past girlfriends have said I have selective hearing, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to change that now. So now that the whole thing is behind us and the only reason we should ever talk about it again is that we found the tipster and he’s going to be thrown in to the stocks…lets play some football!

For some reason College GameDay Guest Picker Guy (a former defensive end for North Dakota State University and the Buffalo Bills) got a little cheeky  and predicted that the South Dakota State University Jackrabbits would upset Nebraska at home. Yeah, OK. YOU ARE FROM NORTH DAKOTA YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO HATE SOUTH DAKOTA AND WANT THEM TO GET SLAUGHTERED.

That guest picker was Phil Hansen. From what it seems, he knows his football, and he’s widely liked. But apparently he just really wanted to troll his alma mater.

Other people, who apparently didn’t know better, had their misconstrued hopes reaffirmed. “Who cares if he only knows NDSU football?! He makes me feel better about me hoping my team will win an impossible game today!” Apparently the allegiance to the Dakotas sweeping, and “North” and “South” are interchangeable. (It should also be noted that Hansen ran for the Minnesota Senate in 2012, so his opinions on anything Dakota are nothing but questionable.)

#notsmartbison

I got tired of the people coming down on Nebraska. It was hurting my heart. Other teams have had tough weeks and won. Other teams have shitty defense and they won. Other teams have lost their starting quarterback and put in the backup(s) and won. (Ahem, Ohio State).

So I spoke up:

And what do you know? THE STREAK IS BROKEN!!!! WE DIDN’T GO THREE-AND-OUT!! It seems I need to make more predictions. It took only four plays (and one penalty) to score!

Then we kept trading touchdowns and it made me super mad. It was a potential implosion again. We were down 17-14 at the end of the first quarter. Somehow, after a shellacking last week, we still hadn’t made any defensive adjustments, and possible-porn-star Zack Zenner ran for 128 yards in the first quarter. ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-EIGHT YARDS IN ONE QUARTER. And two touchdown. Some TEAMS don’t even put up those kinds of numbers in an entire game.

 

OMG we are so fucked. If Phil Hansen picked that upset and it became true, everything I know would shatter. By comparison, Ameer Abdullah and Imani Cross combined for 66 yards rushing in the first quarter. Zenner more-than-doubled up our backfield. There were a few miscues on the receiving end of things, too.

(In the end, Kenny Bell should have had two touchdown receptions, but alas, things aren’t always thunderous in afro-land.)

But how the tables can turn. In the second quarter, Abdullah, Cross, and Tommy Armstrong Jr. combined for 97 yards rushing, and Zenner eked out only 41 (less than one-third of the previous quarter!). TAKE THAT, PORN GUY.

Remember how SDSU hadn’t turned the ball over this season? Stanley Jean-Baptiste served up yet another interception, and it was GLORIOUS. That was followed by two more (a fumble recovery, and a pick-six). The Huskers fumbled twice, but in the end that put SDSU at only +10 in the turnover department now! Gotta slowly chip away at these things people!

The onslaught was on, but some people didn’t quite know it yet.

At this point, the Huskers was up 38-17, but apparently there was still hope. This guy’s twitter is plastered in NDSU garb, so I’m not sure why he was also rooting for SDSU. Probably to try to equivocate NDSU to Nebraska when SDSU runs all over them this weekend.

OK, it’s a bit of a cheap shot but not totally unwarranted. I know we had just given up a fumble, but just because your team is up by 40-something points and still trying to run up the score doesn’t give you room to talk. SDSU missed an ensuing field goal and the Huskers scored on their next drive. It should be noted that there were no further tweets regarding SDUSvsNEB after that one.

At this juncture there is no point in further breaking down the game, but there are some positive things to take away:

1. Handsome Ameer is No. 7 in the nation in rushing  after garnering another 139 yards in Saturday’s game. This despite only playing on series in the second half. Imagine if he kept up his production! Tack on another 80+ yards and suddenly he’s No. 3 in the nation. We didn’t put together 215 yards rushing in the first half like I hoped we would, but we got to 163, which is the equivalent to a 76%, so they get a passing grade. The ground game put up 335 yards, more than triple the average the Jackrabbits have been giving up.

2. Stanley Jean-Baptiste is an interception machine. He’s currently leading the nation with four interceptions, and second in interception yards (134). I CAN’T WAIT FOR MORE INTERCEPTIONS THEY ARE THE BEST THING EVER WHEN NEBRASKA IS DOING THE INTERCEPTING.

3. There is/will be no QB controversy, at least for a while. It’s Taylor’s job and everyone knows it. But Tommy Armstrong Jr., Ron Kellogg The Third, and Ryker Fyfe (what a badass name) did their jobs REALLY well. Saturday was the first time the Huskers have ever totaled more than 300 yards passing and rushing in a single game. SO AWESOME. Should Taylor have to sit again, I have full faith in our QBs, but for now he will be the one taking snaps. Also, how cool is it that we have a Ryker Fyfe I, Tommy Armstrong II, Ron Kellogg III, and Johnny Stanton IV as backups? It’s like royalty on these sidelines!

4. Zack Zenner is a beast. Can FCS players win the Heisman? He might make a run at it. Get it? Run, like running back. He put up 202 yards against the Huskers, and he added a 21-yard reception. Granted, 169 of those rushing yards came in the first half, before Nebraska really buckled down. So maybe he’s not that great against semi-funtional defenses.

5. JACKRABBITS BE GONE! RUN AWAY! Memorial Stadium is only big enough for one Jack, and everyone knows exactly who that is. Johnny Stanton IV (another dynamic run/pass QB on the Husker roster – seriously the next three to four years on offense will be grand) showed his support for Jack Hoffman in an awesome way:

Besides, his girlfriend (Miss Nebraska) is smokin’ hot, he’s got more rushing yards this season than MSU, and has more touchdowns than Purdue! She looks a little upset he’s eating all the popcorn, but she needs to maintain that figure anyway.

Enjoy that popcorn Jack, because once you put a ring on it, half of that is hers, maybe more – she looks pretty high maintenance with that crown.

Follow me on twitter at @blackshirtfresh