Category Archives: So. Miss.

Recap: Nebraska vs. So. Miss. – So. Drunk.

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At some point before Saturday’s game, @FauxPelini tweeted something along the lines of asking people to send party pictures (since deleted). No one did. Husker fans were immediately called out.

I took this so hard. SO HARD. How dare she insult me when I have not had enough time to properly consume? She shot an arrow straight into my Big Red heart. I though to myself, “Oh no you didn’t Lyndsey Joyyy. I’ll show you.”

I showed her by getting extravagantly drunk.

I hardly remember any of the game. I sure showed Lyndsey. However, I do remember Pope Stanley Jean-Baptiste getting all up in the end zone after a beautiful pick. It made me happy. Very happy.

Pope SJB

So I dumped a bunch of beer into my face and became jolly and happy with my friends and family. I got a quick case of grumpy when the Huskers stalled after gaining only nine yards on their first offensive possession. I thought maybe the forgot-how-to-play-football bug had spread from the defense to the offense. But Sam Foltz’s leg went boom, and I really enjoyed that. I waited patiently because sometimes the bus that carries Taylor comes way late. Like second half late.

But the bus came so fast!! The rout was on. Enunwa TD. Evans TD (BLACKSHIRTS. WHAT?!). Someone handed me a mimosa. Then a Husker Power shot. Then a bloody Mary. Abdullah TD. Then another Husker Power shot. Husker Power shots are awful. They taste like a more watermelony Washington apple – the shot, not the food. But as long as the Huskers keep winning, I’ll keep pickling my liver with them.

I was trying to (and succeeding in) celebrating my birthday. My last vague memory of the game is Kenny Bell’s bobbly circus catch for a touchdown.

My unraveling came in the form of successive whiskey shots. Having friends that will buy you birthday shots when it’s not even your real birthday is awesome. It’s not awesome when they do it all at the same time. I think I remember Abdullah’s 37-yarder. I think I was jumping up and down with some random woman named Amy who kept hugging me and saying “Happy Birthday.” She bought me a drink, too. Thanks Amy! Husker fans are great people, but some of them are weird. Wonderfully weird.

One thing that remains though it all the drinks and the partying and slurring and lazy eyes is how quickly ye all of little faith can swing.

Because we want to protect him right? Or are you that mad? It could be either one at any given moment. So the Huskers punted and then So. Miss. scored a touchdown on three plays and we were off to the races.

Hey, here’s some perspective!

That’s a good thing! For the Huskers! What do you know?! BOOM! Everyone started the love again after a stellar Kenny Bell kickoff return and a slippery Ameer Abdullah run.

And then some drunk did this…

The hashtag execution is what gave away your sobriety MytchGraham. It wasn’t just your wild claims of an undefeated season and a national championship. Who would ever think that this is our year?

Follow me on twitter @blackshirtfresh for drunk tweets.


Preview: Nebraska vs. So. Miss.

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Week 2 So Miss

It’s not like I’m bitter or anything, but that headline comes straight to you from Sept. 1, 2012. It was after the first game of Nebraska’s season, coincidentally against the Southern Miss Golden Eagles. It was the start of all of Burkhead’s knee troubles last year. It’s hard to tell if it directly led to any losses – the Cornhuskers had a strong backup backfield. But when a team is missing a guy whose nickname is Superman because of his on- and off-field accomplishments…well, it hurts you. Who knows what he would have done to UCLA in Pasadena when we lost by a measly 6 points when I was there, hopes higher than a Good Year Blimp, only to be crushed and crumbled underneath the weight of a school I never cared for despite my SoCal proximity?

I’m not bitter though.

It should seem appropriate that this particular game kicked off the Golden Eagles’ no-win 2012 season and a current 13-game losing streak. At least in the eyes of Husker fans it’s appropriate. The last time So. Miss won a game was Dec. 24, 2011. There shall be no Christmas gifts this year, not from the Huskers.

We’re coming off a wonky-ass game. We’re motivated. Ameer Abdullah and Taylor Martinez have been pushing the team. The Blackshirts are watching the tape. They know what to do. Bo is confident. There’s no reason for Husker fans to worry. I’m not saying there’s no way the Huskers lose this game, I’m just saying there’s no way So. Miss wins it. Right? *Marinades crow for Saturday’s dinner*

But we can’t hold an injured Rex Burkhead against the team forever. The team and the school have given us some absolute delights.

Take for instance Michael Boley. He went to So. Miss. He played professional football for a number of years. He wasn’t bad. He had an INT for a TD once (and probably other times). This pick-6 was nice, but nothing spectacular. It was his celebration that was.


Boley celebrated his touchdown by smashing the ball off some poor intern’s face. Look at that poise though. Kid took it like a champ.

What’s that you say? Oh, Boley was arrested earlier this year for child abuse? Well, guess he’s a douche bag. Moving on to less douchebaggy Golden Eagles.

Brett Favre! A QB at So. Miss., he still holds numerous records for the school. He is the subject of collegiate folklore due to his come-from-behind wins and upsets of ranked teams. A mere six weeks after a rollover accident and subsequent surgery that led to 30 inches of his small intestines being removed, Favre led a comeback victory over Alabama! The stuff of legends!

Even more impressive, Freshman Favre, a seventh-string QB at the time, came onto the field to lead his team to a (you guessed it) come-from-behind victory over Tulane. This despite being so hungover he was blowing chunks during warmups.

I have no idea who Chunks is, but I can tell you Chunks is not Jenn Sterger’s nickname. Holy shit, that got out of control fast. Oh, who am I kidding? Do you have any idea how hard it was to write “come-from-behind” that many times when discussing Dick-Texter Extraordinaire?


Alright, alright. I know he’s got all sorts of records and is a HOF guarantee. Maybe not a complete douchebag. But he’s at least partial.

So who can come in and save the day? Who can resurrect the reputation of the Golden Eagles? None other than the King of Parrotheads. He’s somewhere wasting away in Margaritaville right now. He drinks, he does drugs, he curses. He doesn’t hide it. We love him for the jerk he can be. He’s awesome. He’s been a staple in my family for years, singing us to paradise while we lounge in the pool. He does the weekends right. Come Monday, he’s still warm in our hearts.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting, Jimmy Buffett.


God dammit, Jim. I trusted you.

Follow me on twitter @blackshirtfreshman. Stay tuned for #AfroWatch2013 and #RageWatch2013.