At some point before Saturday’s game, @FauxPelini tweeted something along the lines of asking people to send party pictures (since deleted). No one did. Husker fans were immediately called out.
@FauxPelini looks like Nebraska doesn't party very hard..
— ℓʏи∂ƨɛʏ (@lyndseyjoyyy) September 7, 2013
I took this so hard. SO HARD. How dare she insult me when I have not had enough time to properly consume? She shot an arrow straight into my Big Red heart. I though to myself, “Oh no you didn’t Lyndsey Joyyy. I’ll show you.”
I showed her by getting extravagantly drunk.
I hardly remember any of the game. I sure showed Lyndsey. However, I do remember Pope Stanley Jean-Baptiste getting all up in the end zone after a beautiful pick. It made me happy. Very happy.
So I dumped a bunch of beer into my face and became jolly and happy with my friends and family. I got a quick case of grumpy when the Huskers stalled after gaining only nine yards on their first offensive possession. I thought maybe the forgot-how-to-play-football bug had spread from the defense to the offense. But Sam Foltz’s leg went boom, and I really enjoyed that. I waited patiently because sometimes the bus that carries Taylor comes way late. Like second half late.
But the bus came so fast!! The rout was on. Enunwa TD. Evans TD (BLACKSHIRTS. WHAT?!). Someone handed me a mimosa. Then a Husker Power shot. Then a bloody Mary. Abdullah TD. Then another Husker Power shot. Husker Power shots are awful. They taste like a more watermelony Washington apple – the shot, not the food. But as long as the Huskers keep winning, I’ll keep pickling my liver with them.
I was trying to (and succeeding in) celebrating my birthday. My last vague memory of the game is Kenny Bell’s bobbly circus catch for a touchdown.
My unraveling came in the form of successive whiskey shots. Having friends that will buy you birthday shots when it’s not even your real birthday is awesome. It’s not awesome when they do it all at the same time. I think I remember Abdullah’s 37-yarder. I think I was jumping up and down with some random woman named Amy who kept hugging me and saying “Happy Birthday.” She bought me a drink, too. Thanks Amy! Husker fans are great people, but some of them are weird. Wonderfully weird.
One thing that remains though it all the drinks and the partying and slurring and lazy eyes is how quickly ye all of little faith can swing.
#Huskers will start the second half at the 25 with Taylor Martinez. Again, I hope this is his last series of the day.
— Jeff Mason (@RedSideline) September 7, 2013
Because we want to protect him right? Or are you that mad? It could be either one at any given moment. So the Huskers punted and then So. Miss. scored a touchdown on three plays and we were off to the races.
— JarrydGowan (@J_Boogieeee) September 8, 2013
Welp, at least they played well for one half this season… #Huskers
— Cole Stukenholtz (@stukenholtz) September 8, 2013
Sometimes you open a game with a pick-6. And sometimes you open the second half by getting toasted. #huskers
— Clint Robus (@ClintRobus) September 8, 2013
I guess S. Miss went to the white board while #Huskers went to sleep at half.
— John Bishop (@JohnBishop71) September 8, 2013
Hey, here’s some perspective!
Southern miss's quarterback has three TDs today one to his team and two to the Huskers
— Konner Beste (@justkonner) September 8, 2013
That’s a good thing! For the Huskers! What do you know?! BOOM! Everyone started the love again after a stellar Kenny Bell kickoff return and a slippery Ameer Abdullah run.
— Jacob Gress (@GressJacob) September 8, 2013
Huskers are fuckin shit up
— T-Roc_MuhFucka (@TaranAustin) September 8, 2013
— CrackasAverageLife✌ (@CrackaJoSchro96) September 8, 2013
And then some drunk did this…
Have you booked your nation championship flight yet? #Huskers #14-0 # ThisIsTheYear
— Mitch Graham (@mytchgraham) September 8, 2013
The hashtag execution is what gave away your sobriety MytchGraham. It wasn’t just your wild claims of an undefeated season and a national championship. Who would ever think that this is our year?
Follow me on twitter @blackshirtfresh for drunk tweets.