Nebraska will march in to Purdue’s Ross-Ade Stadium looking to break the Boilermaker’s series winning streak that dates back to 1958, when the Huskers lost 28-0. It’s time to derail this train… Purdue’s 1-0 winning record against the Cornhuskers is under severe threat.
Why? Because Ameer Abdullah, that’s why. I’m just speculating here, but if he can run a lot, maybe a country mile – or 310 yards to be exact – he’ll be the first rusher over 1,000 yards this season. This is mainly due to the fact that anyone else within range plays later in the day… but it would also be an incredible feat. He’d have to break Roy Helu Jr.’s single-game record of 307 yards. I say, why not go for it? Purdue is allowing a ton of yards per game. This makes a ton of sense. I’m not saying it will happen, but I want it to happen.
For those that don’t know, a boilermaker is a drink that consists of beer and whiskey.* If the Purdue-ians drink enough the night before the game, or during, the team will likely look like it has much of this season. AWFUL.
It’s that kinda shit up that lost the job for fifth-year senior Rob Henry. He might be a fifth-year senior citizen. His hairline is better at fading than any of his receivers.
Sure, I know Purdue put up a fight against Notre Dame, but that’s more of a testament to ND’s shittiness than Purdue’s
excellence competency success … luck. Purdue has the 8th worst offense in the FBS by way of yards. 7th worst by way of yards per game. 11th worst by way of points per game. 8th worst by way of rushing yards per game. 12th worst by way… OH WHO AM I KIDDING THEY SUCK SO MUCH. IF WE ALLOW MORE THAN 300 YARDS THIS GAME I’M GOING TO LOSE MY MIND.
Their leading rusher, Akeem Hunt, is averaging…38.6 yards per game! Ameer farts and gains more yardage than that. So the ball won’t be in the hands of the Rush Master Hunt, nor will Rob Henry be the guy to take the Boilermakers to their grave. It’s this guy!
Danny Etling is almost 15 years old, and is expecting to enter the tail end of puberty sometime before his junior year. In 2.5 quarters of play this year, Etling threw for 241 yards, 2 touchdowns, and 2 interceptions. Purdue QBs have thrown three pick-sixes so far. What does this translate to? SJB TOUCHDOWN!!
The Husker secondary is improving, and with Purdue’s run offense akin to a corpse, this should bode quite well for the Huskers.
Considering the following photo and Etling’s incredible posture, I’m fairly certain Henry will get another shot under center…
It seems fitting that he may start again, as Rob is still holding on to his glory days at QB for the Boilermakers. But nostalgia fades as you enter your Centrum Silver years, so it’s time to relish the memories.
— Rachael Kimack (@racheyk_9) August 27, 2013
Leading the way to what, exactly? IHOP!!! (It’s important to note that Rob Henry’s girlfriend is NOT a senior citizen. She’s actually quite a looker. Either chicks dig old guys, or she’s after his trust fund. Gold digger.)
All of this … boils down to what should be a disappointing day for the Purdue fans. The photo in this post’s banner (above) is from a common sight around Ross-Ade Stadium. Apparently the fans enjoy partying, but are not so keen on football.
So. How shall the Huskers ensure an ever-dwindling crowd this Saturday at 11 fucking AM? First, we have Tommy Armstrong Jr. show Doogie Howser up there how to be a quality freshman QB. Then, we counteract one former QB that has a receding hairline with a current wideout that has an ever-growing and entrancing afro.
Ladies and gentlemen, Kenny Bell. What kind of glorious catch will he end up with this week? What exactly will he catch?!
Follow me on twitter at @blackshirtfresh.
*It’s also the name of someone who welds and constructs boilers. This was non-conducive to the post, so I left it out. Why their logo is a train makes little sense. At least Purdue Pete has a hardhat.