Well, last week was fun! Any other team laying down a rout against their opponent and it’s nap time, but I drank until the glorious end of the Huskers last week. It was like they were playing a mildly better Louisiana-Lafayette! Considering Florida Atlantic thought (still think?) they were going to come in and win the game, I’d say we were lucky to make it out with as many points as we did!
So what’s next? McNeese State. A school that apparently managed to win 10 games last year, as opposed to FAU’s 6, so they should be able to put up a bit more of a fight. But where the hell is McNeese? I’ve heard of plenty of the United States of America, but McNeese is a new one. It’s not even on Joey Tribbiani’s list of the 56 states!
McNeese State, former stomping grounds of Kerry Joseph, a CFL quarterback for the Edmonton Eskimos. They can’t be that great, right? For one, they are terribly unoriginal. The school goes by the Cowboys, and if I remember correctly, there’s about 60 other teams in college football that go by that name. For two, they didn’t do well in 2002 when the Huskers took down the Cowboys 38-14. Jammal Lord set some records that day, and I wouldn’t be surprised if we see some more records broken on Saturday.
I can’t imagine it going any other way, despite Randy Gregory’s lame knee keeping him sidelined. I don’t think he even got hurt on an action play. I just assume his dong unfurled and it accidentally hit his knee. Anyhow, if there’s a game he can miss, it’s this one.
The Red Storm will swell again, drenching its opponents in a sea of bloody redness. I don’t even care if it’s real blood, as long as it’s not coming from any Husker bodies. I’m just hoping it gets ugly.
That’s pretty much all I have for this week. I didn’t research McNeese, I didn’t care. Work was out of control, the love life is out of commission, and at this point I’m out of beer. This will not be the case come tomorrow, 9 AM PST. I will be at the bar, probably drunk by McNeese’s first three-and-out. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be at the beach 4 hours later, and much, much drunker.
Because I have somehow manage to not look at the actual date on the calendar in the last couple of weeks, I’m a bit behind on my goals for this post and this blog in general. I had huge plans for this site, all of which never came to fruition. I mean, what can you expect? It was only 8.5 months since the bowl game, I got a new position that requires travel, and I perfected my golf game.
Clearly I had bigger fish to fry.
So this is more of an overview of the season, with some jabs at Florida Atlantic thrown in. Besides taking a Conference USA team to task for an entire 800 words before the opener is akin to a pregame show for a linebacker bullying the school band’s tuba player. Sure, the tuba guy will get in a few hits now and then, but we all know who’s waltzing out of there and who limps out bloody and bruised.
Usually around this time of year, I find myself pretty confident. Only a few weeks ago I wrote:
It never fails: From about February to July I have the lowest expectations. Come August, I’m planning my Nat’l Championship Celebration
But it seems since then I’ve had what you’d call a crisis of faith, which is great because I’ve always wanted one of those. It’s not just with Husker football, but more like everything just seems a little “blah” lately. Without airing my dirty laundry, life has just been lacking pizzaz.
Then I started reading some more articles. (And boy did I lot to catch up on. This new position at work requires me to actually work while I’m in the office – like…who the fuck actually does that? – and I’ve had no time to keep up with my boys in red.)
I started making plans for various weekends. I started combing through my closet for my Husker shirts. I dusted off that old corn cob hat. I watched the Kellogg to Westerkamp hail Mary and holy shitballs you bet all your fine asses I’ve got my faith back in the Huskers this year. I am PUMPED. Lets go all in. Lets make this season worthwhile. I will have faith in this team until they give me reason not to. I will have faith in this team until it runs that faith into a blender and they collectively shit it out all over me with the fury of week-old spicy Indian food erupting from the bowels of a French Bulldog. And then I’ll find a reason to have faith the next week, because I’ll be damned if I really do lose it.
I’m back to where I was before, choreographing my touchdown and national championship dances. I’ve got my moves, and I’m ready to show them off.
The road to me making these dance moves public starts Saturday, against some Florida school. Should I be more pacific? It’s Florida Atlantic University, and thank god they spelled it out for us or else I’d never know who the fuck we are playing.
So FAU comes flying in, and this school is at least vaguely familiar to 95% of Husker fans because it was once home to the Danny DeVito of the Pelini clan. Unfortunately Carl was booted and to elaborate would be plucking low-hanging fruit that’s dangling closer to the ground than the tip of Randy Gregory’s dong. That’s real low.
Now there’s really no hope for FAU to come in and win, since their only insight into the Huskers’ high-powered offense is combing the Missed Connections page on Craigslist. Kenny Bell is going to be flowing and froing his way into the end zone, Imani Cross will be crossing all sorts of boundaries, and Tommy Armstrong will be, well…strong arming his opponents into sucking.
And lets face it. Bringing Ameer Abdullah to this game is like bringing an uzi-wielding 9 year old to a knife fight.
This year’s Capital One Gator Bowl bowl matchup is failing to light a fire in anyone’s pants, as apathy sweeps Georgia’s and Nebraska’s fanbases.
It’s hard to get excited about a less-exciting repeat of last year’s matchup. The series is tied 1-1 after the Huskers lost to the BullDawgs last year. Nebraska walloped Georgia 45-6…in 1969. Both teams have been plagued by injuries this year. Both teams are 8-4. Both teams didn’t make the conference championship. Both teams lost a few games they really shouldn’t have. WHAT AN INCREDIBLE STORY LINE.
Remember the good ol’ days?
Aaron Murray! Taylor Martinez!
Sadly, we don’t even get to see Taylor Martinez again. I had some hope that he might end up back in the huddle, but alas, he has yet to recover from a slew of injuries that happened when he apparently was hit by a truck or something.
And so it seems that, like all of my birthdays, there will be no Magician on New Year’s Day. There will also be no Aaron Murray. While this makes for less excitement, the Huskers have a little bit better chance, I’d say. But their back up has shown some competence, so it’s no time for the Blackshirts to ease up.
We do, however, have this…
We can also expect a show from Ameer Abdullah, because why wouldn’t he put on a show? He’s a beast, and nearly unstoppable at that. Todd Gurley, is almost as beastly as Ameer, so these two beasts will be pounding it out in the run game.
It’s a glimmer of hope in a game that has failed to really excite anyone. I’d be lying if I said I’m not excited at all. I get excited about the most mundane things, like egg nog or pairs socks that come in packs of eight (16 socks! Imagine the possibilities!).
The real travesty here is that the game is at 9 a.m. on the west coast. Nine fucking a.m.
ON NEW YEAR’S DAY!
The powers that be must not care about hangovers. They don’t care that it is my civic duty to get absurdly drunk before midnight, plant a kiss on my dog, drink until 6 a.m., and incessantly sing Auld Lang Syne at the top of my lungs until I’m locked in a closet.
It is excruciating to get up with a headache akin to splitting wood and spend the next four hours yelling at my TV. The games give me enough headaches as it is. Coupled with the nauseating combination of champagne, beer, Fireball and jet fuel… this game will go down in the books as one of the worst experiences in my life.
They’re just asking too much. THE PEOPLE WANT TO PARTY. GIVE THEM TIME TO RECOVER.
See, it’s not just Nebraska fans. Georgians want to party too. Even if they are drinking out of a Bulldog’s mouth. No matter the vessel, the end result is the same…
This guy is (hashtag) DRUNK. My hero.
Then there are those that will party through the night, toeing the line between party crazy and straight-jacket crazy. They don’t sleep, they don’t stop drinking. They may be on some other substance that’s not alcohol. Delirium is a close friend, and enthusiasm peaks with…body paint?
Follow me on Twitter at @blackshirtfresh so I can bitch about my terrible hangover.
I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but this Saturday’s matchup against Michigan State is probably the biggest game of the year for the Cornhuskers. The general consensus is that the winner of this game wins the Legends division and heads to the B1G championship.
This assumes two things:
1. MSU will not lose again, including Saturday’s game.
2. If Nebraska pulls off the upset (7-point underdogs at home), they too will not lose again. But because everyone thinks Nebraska is only eking out the wins, most people will not say that a Penn State at home matchup is no lock, and neither is a strengthening Iowa team coming to Memorial Stadium.
Thus, I’ve come to the conclusion that no one thinks Nebraska is going to win on Saturday because no one is confident that the Huskers will win out. Saying that the winner of the game will head to the B1G championship is a thinly veiled way of saying “Hey Sparty, congrats on your impending win!” Hang on, let me dig something out of my pocket here…
Maaaaybe, I’m reading into everything a little too much. But you can’t really blame me. This is a nerve-wracking weekend! MSU has given up roughly 391 yards rushing this ENTIRE SEASON. That’s about 43.4 per game. The most they have allowed this season? 92.
Holy balls, that defense is a brick wall. But it’s something we Huskers know about and hopefully have prepared for. Ameer Abdullah alone is averaging 134.7 yards per game. This season, he’s been held under 100 yards only once, against UCLA. He rushed for 98 yards. Something has to give on Saturday. Lets hope it’s their defensive line because we’d like to keep Ameer healthy and avoid the following debacle…
Sparty’s defense has only faced one top-40 rusher this season (Tevin Coleman, Indiana, No. 20), and that guy put up 79 yards himself. Ameer is a smaller back, which hopefully will translate to slipping through the cracks and using some wiggle to get past the line. He’s such a powerful back, maybe they’ll just dive out of the way. It’s something Sparty is good at.
I think this will be a much more interesting game than Vegas assumes. Nebraska’s steadily improving defense will be no easy task for MSU. And the Cornhuskers have (arguably) the best (potential) offense that Sparty has to face. The Vegas line has Nebraska at +6.5. Which is a crock of shit.
Stanford’s line over USC is 3.5. THREE POINT FIVE. This is implying that USC will manage to keep up against the Cardinal after one of the most potent offenses in the nation (Oregon) couldn’t come within 6. I think these betting lines have been switched, because fuck, why not?!
Granted, USC is not as bad as they were when they got rid of that Kiffin bloke, but I don’t think many people would fall victim to betting that Stanford won’t cover the spread.
REMINDER: Vegas thinks MSU is a stronger favorite over Nebraska AT MEMORIAL STADIUM, than Stanford is over USC.
Well I know some bros that will be happy enough about that to punch each other in the face…
Lets all just wait until the game is over to start acting like Nebraska sucks so bad. Ya dicks.
Well, Nebraska is still unranked in the AP poll, but the coaches bumped the Huskers up one spot to 24. This makes me think we are not getting the respect we deserve!
We clearly have a competent backup QB, looking all pass-efficient and shit. Even with winds gusting up to 30 miles an hour, Tommy Armstrong Jr. needed only 8 completions to rack up 135 passing yards. What a guy! He politely declined advances to impede his would-be tacklers.
Seriously, an absolute doll.
Granted, 37 of those yards came from the one-handed Kenny Bell catch-and-run for a touchdown. AFRO THUNDER! It was such a thing of beauty, he drew an unsportsmanlike conduct after the TD. I’m convinced that Kenny’s celebration, a fairly common “hushing” of the crowd, was not where the call originated. The refs were so blown away by Kenny’s athleticism, they determined it was unsportsmanlike for him to be that much better than the Illini secondary. It was just so heavenly.
After the catch, he went another 20 yards for the TD. Everyone celebrated, but Kenny was so concerned with the noise level in the stadium and some people’s fragile eardrums, he shushed the crowd. Again, just another gentlemanly soul on the Huskers. Here’s the whole thing below, minus the heavenly light. The video cameras can’t catch those kinds of things.
And how about the defense, eh? Giving up 372 yards isn’t great, but it’s still better than how the Huskers have been trending. Nebraska is giving up a lot of first downs – so many that they’re ranked 107 in the nation in opponent first downs. It’s ugly. But only allowing 19 points (17 on while the D was on the field) shows an improvement in later downs, right? WE ARE GETTING BETTER PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THIS, AP.
And last but not least, the beast, Ameer Abdullah. The guy had 225 yards rushing , 2 rushing touchdowns, and a 15-yard reception. Talk about a top performer! He’s 7th in the nation with 690 yards, and that’s after giving up some carries to Imani Cross and Terrell Newby. Yeah yeah, I know that all teams do that, but I’d like to think if he was the only RB we were using he’d have like 2000 yards by now. Sure his five TDs look paltry compared with Jahwan Edwards’ 10, but Imani Cross The Goal Line (sometimes the wrong one) is sniping some deep red zone carries. He’s already racked up six TDs! I have no doubt that Ameer will get his due, though. He’s just too good.
After all this, Nebraska is still unranked in the AP poll, and it’s going to bite us in the ass. As we look down the stretch, there are some pretty solid games ahead of us. Dramatic games. Exciting games. Northwestern, Michigan, and Michigan State pose the biggest threat. And maybe Penn State, but their defensive woes are starting to come to a head.
MSU still doesn’t have a super convincing offense, but their D pretty much knows what to do. Northwestern and Michigan scare me. They’re potent teams all around, and Northwestern gave OSU a bit of a scare this past weekend. The 10-point loss doesn’t paint the full picture, as the game could have easily ended 34-30 for OSU or 37-34 NW. Shit was getting real, and Northwestern is real.
I don’t even want to bother trying to break down Michigan. They managed to pull out a couple of squeakers, but I get the feeling their offense is getting ready to make a lot of teams miserable.
Nebraska needs to beat Northwestern (19)and Michigan (18) if it has any hope of getting into the B1G Championship. Even beating those two teams, going in unranked after relative softies Purdue and Minnesota will not be convincing enough for the polls to put us anywhere near the top 10.
The Huskers need an essential dismantling of their next two opponents, and then take down Northwestern and Michigan in order. UGH. Even then, I’d estimate we end up ranked somewhere around 13, should most of the ranks remain unfucked. Of course, it’s college football, anything could happen. Should Nebraska win through Nov. 9 (at Michigan – OMG IT’S GOING TO BE SO HARD), they’ll be expected to win out, and if any of those games come down to the wire, it’ll be attributed to the Huskers being Huskers.
It’s a long way out, but Nebraska needs to get back up in the ranks, and the best way to do that is to wallop Purdue this weekend. And then I’ll continue stressing about the AP and impending BCS ranks because that’s what I obsess over for no goddamn reason at all. After that, we can just piss all over the competition.
NEBRASKA FOOTBALL IS BACK! CONFERENCE PLAY IS STARTING! WOOOO IT’S TIME FOR BIG RED FOOTBALL!!
One weekend without the Huskers was fucking dreadful. I didn’t know what to do with myself. My apartment has never been so clean! I exercised. I EXERCISED! I was so upset, I didn’t even stress eat. Do you know how stressful it is to not stress eat when delicious straight-from-Mexico Mexican food is three blocks from your apartment?
But then Lady Blackshirt surprised me with tickets to the Gin Blossoms for a belated birthday gift and all was right with the world (see, it’s OK to live in the 90s a bit, Husker fans). It was even better when I found out the next morning that Lane Kiffin got fired so hard that he wasn’t even allowed to sully his campus one more time.
Our boys have had a weekend off to rejuvenate, practice, spend some time at the spa… things that should translate into a win on Saturday against Illinois. The Illinois Fighting Illini. The. Fighting. Illini. Here I thought SDSU’s choice of Jackrabbits was absurd.
The university chose “Illini” because of something with the student newspaper sometime around the Civil War era. It’s not really clear, but football teams should not be named after student newspapers. Student newspapers have notoriously stupid names.
Then, because the name really meant nothing, (people from Illinois are called Illinoisans), they added “Fighting” to the name during WWI, decades later. The idea was noble: It represents those from Illinois who fought and died during WWI. “Other wars be damned! World War I is the only one that matters!”
YOU CAN’T RETROACTIVELY CHANGE YOUR SHITTY MEANS-NOTHING NAME SOME 20 YEARS LATER AND HOPE NO ONE WILL NOTICE THAT IT STILL MEANT NOTHING AND YOU MADE UP A WORD TO REPRESENT YOURSELVES.
You don’t even have a mascot anymore because the one you came up with was offensive, ill-advised, and irrelevant. Some two or three decades later you decided you needed a mascot and in a not-so-shocking display of ineptitude, you fucked it up.
You used actual Sioux clothing to shroud a student who portrayed a made up person – Chief Illiniwek – in an attempt to honor the Native American culture of your state. Actual tribe members got so mad that you had to give the traditional clothing back because you disgraced it. Now you can’t even use your Halloween costumes because your own school deemed your incongruous mascot too much of a shit stain on the face of your school.
Besides all that, YOU FORGOT YOUR REVISED MADE-UP-WORD-NAME REPRESENTS THE AMERICAN SOLDIERS OF YOUR STATE NOT AMERICAN INDIANS. Nice try, imbeciles. You are bad at names and you are bad at mascots.
We are all hoping that you’ll be bad at sports on Saturday, too. Namely football.
You see, Lincoln is susceptible to high winds on Saturday. You know what that means? Your passing game becomes less of a factor. Your run game isn’t that good. It’s middle of the road, but barely. Without a passing game, you’ll have to rely on the run. Because Nebraska’s defense has vastly improved these past two weeks (*crosses fingers*), you’re in trouble. Especially if we know it’s coming.
If you’re banking on the wind dying down, we have provisions to still ruin your day.
@kaylaoncorn@troy_little maybe the entire east stadium can blow while the west sucks while Illini O is on the field. Big help for our D
The best part? Take away Nebraska’s passing game and you get one of the best rushing squads in the nation. We are averaging 110 more rushing yards per game than you Illini honkies. We have Abdullah, Cross, Newby…a trio of backs that want nothing to do with your defensive schemes.
Don’t forget you’ll get a first-hand look the future of Nebraska: Tommy “The Touchdown Train” Armstrong!
Taylor Martinez is nursing his turfy toe for another week. The general consensus is that no one wants him on the field if he isn’t 100%, and that makes sense. We will likely need his run threat and cannon arm later down the stretch. Get him back to health, then back on the field. No need to… rush him.
Additionally, Armstrong can run. He’s no slouch. He’s no Tom Brady! He is mobile. Armstrong. Legstrong. Same thing!
This weekend will be a fun little window into what the future of Nebraska holds. A young quarterback with high expectations and a skill set to meet those expectations? Sign me up! And I won’t complain one bit if RK3 comes in and kicks some ass, too. Sometimes you have to share the wealth. As long as we don’t burn Johnny Stanton The Fourth’s redshirt, I won’t be upset. (He’s gotta be some sort of royalty with a name like that, right?). Besides, he is WAY too handsome to be used when he can’t be the face of our beloved program.
Last year, on September 8 (a mere two days before my birthday, thus ruining it), the Nebraska Cornhuskers took on the UCLA Bruins, who pointed and laughed as us as we scrambled after scrambler master Brett Hundley.
We looked a little lost trying to cover Jim Mora’s spread offense. It was embarrassing and unsettling. We put up a mediocre number against what we understood to be a mediocre defense. Apparently they weren’t, and we weren’t prepared. A late interception directly led to a touchdown, and poor execution followed, leaving us to a field goal and an insurmountable 6-point deficit.
No one was happy except for the UCLA fans, which totaled about 47 percent of the crowd. Seriously UCLA, step up your game. If you can’t even go the 30 miles from the Westside to Pasadena, what will we expect of you tomorrow in Memorial Stadium, halfway across the country? I’m sure your team will know you love them when all seven of you show up.
I was lucky to be surrounded by Nebraska fans because I walked into the stadium looking like a damn fool, and had to walk out looking like an even bigger asshole.
I hung my head and walked my saggy tits out to the car before anyone could give me the ridicule I deserved. What a mess.
Nebraska was ranked 16 at the time; UCLA was unranked. Therefore, after the loss Nebraska fell from the top 25 for the first time time in 2012. It made sense, at least a bit. Not much analysis needed, right?
Now, riddle me this: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THE RANKS THIS WEEK?
Nebraska had a shit first game. Everyone knows. In week 2, they dropped from 18 to 22 in the AP ranks. No biggie, and it was a bit expected, despite us still notching a double-you. UCLA jumped from 21 to 18, almost effectively switching with us. No biggie, they won, and people are riding Hundley’s dick harder than DeAngelo Hall rode DeSean Jackson. It’s to be expected.
Nebraska came out a lot stronger in week 2, with the Blackshirts feeling like they had something to prove. And la Camiseta Negras did their job. They only allowed 13 points, and 284 total yards. What a difference! What an improvement! The offense even scored 56 points (42 if you don’t count the glorious pick-sixes). What an improvement! The team looked poised and prepared.
The rankings came out and we dropped a spot to number 23. How odd. We did so well! You know who didn’t drop. UCLA. They actually moved up from 18 to 16. They jumped a spot. How did they play Saturday?
OH THAT’S RIGHT THEY DIDN’T. THEY SAT AT HOME AND PLAYED VIDEO GAMES AND ATE REFRIED BEANS OUT OF A CAN BECAUSE THEY WERE TO LAZY TO PUT IT IN A BOWL AND HIT A BUTTON ON THE MICROWAVE BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO KEEP DOING NOTHING.
That’s how every single Cornhusker should feel right now. The AP poll shit on our heads with their shitty horse poop. Every man on the team (on both sides of the ball, please!!) should be running out on that field with a bunch of big-steamies in the chamber, ready to back one out onto the chest of every Bruin.
This weekend won’t be easy, but we need the win. We need to take this dump. We’ve been constipated for far too long. We know the defense now. We know Brett now. We know what to expect. Taylor Martinez said today that we should expect to see a bunch of new stuff on offense this weekend. That’s wonderful. As long as the new things aren’t turnovers, I’m pumped.
I won’t get to watch much, as during the latter half of the game, I must be preparing to take part in the holy matrimony of a dear friend. But I’ll be there in spirit with everyone, rudely checking my phone during brunch and our super cool wedding photos.
On a serious side note…
This was a difficult post to construct in the wake of the tragedy in the UCLA and Southern California communities when Bruin wide receiver Nick Pasquale suddenly passed away last weekend. My heart and thoughts are with Nick, his family, and his friends.The UCLA and Nebraska teams will honor Nick before the game with a moment of silence, and during the game with patches on UCLA’s uniforms and stickers on Nebraska’s helmets.From all accounts, Nick was a stand-up guy with a good attitude and a good sense of humor, and he will be dearly missed. R.I.P
I took this so hard. SO HARD. How dare she insult me when I have not had enough time to properly consume? She shot an arrow straight into my Big Red heart. I though to myself, “Oh no you didn’t Lyndsey Joyyy. I’ll show you.”
I showed her by getting extravagantly drunk.
I hardly remember any of the game. I sure showed Lyndsey. However, I do remember Pope Stanley Jean-Baptiste getting all up in the end zone after a beautiful pick. It made me happy. Very happy.
So I dumped a bunch of beer into my face and became jolly and happy with my friends and family. I got a quick case of grumpy when the Huskers stalled after gaining only nine yards on their first offensive possession. I thought maybe the forgot-how-to-play-football bug had spread from the defense to the offense. But Sam Foltz’s leg went boom, and I really enjoyed that. I waited patiently because sometimes the bus that carries Taylor comes way late. Like second half late.
But the bus came so fast!! The rout was on. Enunwa TD. Evans TD (BLACKSHIRTS. WHAT?!). Someone handed me a mimosa. Then a Husker Power shot. Then a bloody Mary. Abdullah TD. Then another Husker Power shot. Husker Power shots are awful. They taste like a more watermelony Washington apple – the shot, not the food. But as long as the Huskers keep winning, I’ll keep pickling my liver with them.
I was trying to (and succeeding in) celebrating my birthday. My last vague memory of the game is Kenny Bell’s bobbly circus catch for a touchdown.
My unraveling came in the form of successive whiskey shots. Having friends that will buy you birthday shots when it’s not even your real birthday is awesome. It’s not awesome when they do it all at the same time. I think I remember Abdullah’s 37-yarder. I think I was jumping up and down with some random woman named Amy who kept hugging me and saying “Happy Birthday.” She bought me a drink, too. Thanks Amy! Husker fans are great people, but some of them are weird. Wonderfully weird.
One thing that remains though it all the drinks and the partying and slurring and lazy eyes is how quickly ye all of little faith can swing.
#Huskers will start the second half at the 25 with Taylor Martinez. Again, I hope this is his last series of the day.
Because we want to protect him right? Or are you that mad? It could be either one at any given moment. So the Huskers punted and then So. Miss. scored a touchdown on three plays and we were off to the races.